love & appreciation

Si Momoe comel

2012-01-29T23:03:00.000-08:00

Nov 2010 - masih dalam proses nak tumbuh bulu

Nov 2010 - dah berbulu tapi perut masih putih and masih ada musim menjilat sampai botak sebelah badan

December 2010 - semakin fluffy

January 2012 - gambar terbaru.. perut dah berbulu and sekitar leher pun fluffy. Tapi masih ada penjilatan especially bila I travel a lot

Saya sabar dan sayang kepada binatang peliharaan saya, yang setia menunggu setiap hari saya pulang dari kerja, bila saya sakit dia akan biarkan saya memeluknya meskipun dia sangat rimas (kahkahkah).... Dulu dia bermasalah - kencing sana sini, jilat bulu sampai botak, garang kepada kucing lain dan macam-macam lagi. Tapi saya akui kadangkala pet kita ini menyerap stress dan aura kita, lantas apabila binatang itu bermasalah, haruslah kita fikirkan samada masalah itu berpunca dari kita atau binatang itu sendiri 'tak boleh diajar'.

Looking back, saya rasa Momoe was a direct reflection of my state of mind, my stress, my anger, and whatever. Instead of complaining about how bad a cat's behaviour is, or how much of a nuisance they are in our life, shouldn't we look at it in a different perspective and think of it as a good thing. That we have an obvious indicator of what's wrong with us that shows (urgently) that we need to change.

Bukan saya tidak pernah terfikir untuk melepaskannya, tapi saya rasa tidak sampai hati dan rasa seolah-olah saya tidak bertanggungjawab tatkala binatang itu bermasalah, pada masa itulah saya lepaskannya. Jadi, saya telahpun mengambil langkah-langkah membaikpulih diri saya, dan merubah kediaman saya menjadi tempat yang tenang dan bersih. Pola pemikiran saya berubah, menjadi lebih penyabar, pemaaf dan tenang.

And she is also a reflection of this new me.

Alhamdulillah, she is such a well behaved, cute little bundle of fur now. She's also more active playing, I've taught her to jump and twist in the air, too. Dia juga tidak segarang dulu. Of course, masih ada sedikit masalah seperti suka mencakar di sofa, tapi masih di dalam kawalan. Masalah yang lain-lain... oh tiada, she's such an angel now.

My gratitude to life is on a daily basis now, I can't stop marvelling on how much my life has turned around with the simple process of changing my thought patterns.

Thank you, Allah.

Ubud November 2011

2012-01-27T02:14:00.000-08:00

Homaigod. I've been so lazy to upload and update pictures. Vietnam 2010 trip is still unfinished LOL.

tak ingat la ni apa

So! I am just back from Bali (again) 2 days ago, but I'll only be updating the trip that I had last November, which I devoted solely to Ubud. I went alone again, but I've already made arrangements for my stay with a nice guy from the travel forum. Also scouted the hotels, just in case I needed to exit his house in an emergency or something.

My host was kind enough to arrange for my transportation as my flight was at night and it was also an hours' drive to Ubud from the airport. (Of course I paid for it, but the fact that he had the foresight to ask me about it was awesome). He had a reallllllllllly... realllllllly nice house, it was a one room villa and oh my god, it's just a little paradise on it's own. I did not see that coming! I was so lucky!!!

Day 1: Goa Gajah, Yeh Pulu

I texted several forum members to meet up. One girl said she was in the area but decided to explore on her own. Another guy responded enthusiastically, and quickly enough we met. However, after a few minutes conversation, the guy's creepiness was getting to me ("Your skin looks so smooth, can I touch it?" where he instantly lightly touched my forearm. Oi takut!!!!)

I instantly texted the other girl and annoyingly insisted we meet up. Luckily she agreed and all of us decided to go to Goa Gajah.. although I've been there before, I didn't mind going again as I loved the serenity and otherworldly vibes of the place. Upon arriving, me and the girl (Jen) discovered some footpaths that looked enticing and deciding to go there. We came upon a foresty area and a beautiful secluded river! So cantik.

cantik beautiful place

After that, we went to Yeh Pulu which is walking distance and discovered some weird local fruit. Sorry but I forgot to take a picture of it. Jen and the other guy were constantly bickering but I felt it was more of the guy being showoffy and stubborn about miniscule stuff. I kept making faces at the absurdity of his arguments, although I felt he was an intelligent and adventurous guy.

Yeh Pulu

paddy terraces surrounding Yeh Pulu

hai kenapa la tempat ni semua cantik

Ganesha

The guy then said he wanted to walk back, and myself and Jen said we'll take the bemo back. It was quite cheap, around 10,000Rp, so we hailed a bemo. After we got on, the bemo started moving several hundred meters where we saw the guy hailing our bemo! Ceh! Aparah!!! When he got in we asked why didn't he walk and he said "No, I just said I'll walk while waiting, not saying I'll walk all the way, although I don't mind if I did". Padahal all through our conversations memang dia cakap nak walk back. Tahpape. Haih.

As soon as we arrived in Ubud he immediately left us and kitorang pun tak kisah as me and Jen were getting along really well at this point. I had rented a scooter because my host house was deep in the village, and we walked around the town for a little.

temple beside the longkang.. had to walk down the steep steps to view it

We watched some Legong Dance at the Ubud Palace. It was so nice and it had dramatic background of the palace arches.

Barong, evil character (if I'm not mistaken)

After dinner we went to Havana Cafe but no one was dancing. So I went to Bunute and danced with some LA -style dancers (the LA instructor gave me a good almost Cuban salsa.. I had to give him credit for this) and went back to my hosts house deep in the village. Pitch black roads and passing by cemeteries.. haha so scary..

Day 2: Tirta Empul and Gunung Kawi

In the mornings I usually start the day with conversations with my host. He was very intelligent, although a bit imposing on his opinions and didn't like me debating him (lagipun my debates are never based on facts rather just my observations and just sometimes trying to broaden perspective by looking at the issue from a different view, bukan aku saja-saja nak argue dengan orang).. and I felt he didn't ask me much about ME. But it's fine, I was learning to be a good guest and tried to focus the conversation on him. It happened to be he was Jewish and from New York, so I got a lot of information on history, Tibetan culture (ye tak kene mengena dgn Jews or NYC), Israel and New York. I would say I came home with an interest in Israel and a different perspective on the nation.

It was a rainy day, and I was a bit lazy, so I set off at 12 noon, which was quite late. Tirta Empul and Gunung Kawi were a bit far off, so it took me a long ride to get there. However, the rain forced me take shelter for about 45min-1hour and I was quite bummed to be wasting all my afternoon with my stupid decision to ride all the way to Gunung Kawi, moreover starting off so late :( It was 3pm by this time.

However, I met a nice shopkeeper who lent me his rain coat and set off to Tirta Empul.
Tirta Empul was a bit boring, but there were quite nice views there.

Ponds of water in the temple

There was an area for you to dip in the pool to cleanse yourself but I didn't take pictures.

Worship

Residential Palace grounds (i think)

After that, went to Gunung Kawi.. OH MY CANTIKNYE TEMPAT NI!!!!!!

can't get enough of this place

Carvings on the wall

Carvings from across the river

Terlalu cantik ok! Gunung Kawi is a very ancient temple and very beautiful place.

Returned the raincoat to the shopkeeper and met his family! The adventure documented here: http://sexy-underwear.blogspot.com/2011/11/ubud-bali.html

No words can describe the view I saw that day.. this picture barely does the setting any justice.. it was just too mystical for me.. beautiful, enchanting, inspiring.. I was totally in awe

I said goodbye to the family, mak dia siap bagi timun, mangga and buah-buahan sebagai bekal. Comel tak??
Went back to Ubud town and met Jen (girl from yesterday) for dinner. She wanted to go for some nice ribs in Nuri but I wanted to go salsa, so we decided to just have dinner in town. After that, we went to Havana Cafe and I had a BLAST!!! The waiter and waitress knew how to dance Cuban Salsa, and I also danced with a lady salsa instructor named Dania from Jakarta... it was so nice! We even danced Son.... oh i'm so lovin the life. Dania shared some stories of her working abroad in Holland as an au pair and salsa instructor.. it's so cool and I wish I'll be able to go out to the world and do that.

Jen was having a good time watching all the salsa action and I hope I'm able to influence her to take up salsa dancing :)

Day 3: Saying Goodbye and Painting Shopping
I read in the Lonely Plant on some areas of Ubud in the villages where I can buy paintings directly from the artists, and I did just that. I spent about RM400 maybe for 7 paintings and boy! was it heavy! Belatedly realized how heavy it was to carry it via scooter but I managed! Ai memang terer!!!

I said good bye to my beautiful hosts house...

Flowers

His yard

My view sitting on the chair

His house was surrounded by paddy fields.. in the mornings I'd hear ducks quacking and birds chirping and all sort of nature noises. It is really beautiful.. I wish people would get away from Kuta and experience all this with their hearts and soul....

Depan bilik Jen pun nice view, but not as nice as mine! muahahaha

Falun Dafa

Rahsia IC

2012-01-27T01:18:00.001-08:00

From Facebook:

Maharaja Lawak Mega

Korang tau x IC korang tersembunyi satu nama misteri?
Boleh cuba cara berikut:

1. Jika IC number korg
920486-14-7685,

ambil 7685 sahaja....

2. Paste ayat berikut di bahagian komen dan tukarkan kepada nombor IC korang.
Contoh, @[7685:0 ]

3. Buang tanda dan pastikan ada tanda :0

Mine was "Megan Cameron"..... serious nama cas cun... hahahah!

2012!!

2012-01-09T21:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I am afraid that I would go forward following my heart and do what others are afraid to do... and fail - ending up old, alone, sick, helpless, penniless.

Watching a few videos of how these people are in control of their lives through health and inspiration is so free-ing.

Onward 2012 with my crazy(happy) goals!!!!!!!

I will live to a ripe old age being healthy, happy, capable, abundant, independent, inspired, and empowered.

Momoe's Christmas Present

2012-01-02T23:20:00.000-08:00

Both Momoe and myself received Xmas presents - mine being an unusual ginger flavoured beverage and Marvin Gaye and Aretha Franklin CDs.

Momoe's was much cheaper but a lot cuter - a toy snail.

..and Happy New Year!

2011 has been alright, the house, the job, the dancing.. even Momoe has recently grown ALL her fur back.
But I've been cruising along... playing safe....

2011 has been kind to me BUT I am looking forward to rock 2012!!!

Flow #2

2011-12-07T23:59:00.001-08:00

Aaaa marahnye!

Trip to Germany.. cancelled.
I had already prayed that whatever happens shall be my signal for my next step. And now I know I have to focus on my next task at hand.

May love and light guide me.

And there will be more travels ahead, that much I know.

Flow

2011-12-05T03:06:00.000-08:00

Learning to accept the flow of the universe.. I didn't expect to feel hurt but I was.
Maybe it was my ego hurting rather than my love hurting.

Nasib baik aku mengambil keputusan untuk tidak menelefon ahli keluarga dia untuk memberitahu sesuatu berita, walaupun mak aku beberapa kali meminta aku melakukannya. Aku anggap dia sudah keluar dari hidup aku, walaupun tujuan mak aku baik, tapi mungkin orang lain akan salah anggap. Hearing the news, I think I made the right decision, nanti aku dituduh macam-macam pula.

I am not sure what I am feeling right now.
Tomorrow I turn 31. MY society has conditioned me to believe that being alone is a sad state, and to be a female 31 year old is.... just sad. My first reaction to his news was actually stress that I am still unattached and frustrated about not 'hooking' my guy.

Until I realized, it has always been my choice to be alone.

I am just glad I am flying free. Right now, the world is still my oyster.

Update (the day after) - Heheh, yes, it was my ego hurting :D I'm fine after all, oh you drama queen you :P

Ubud, Bali

2011-11-08T23:56:00.000-08:00

Stranded in the rain for about an hour - I was berating myself for riding a bike instead of taking a bemo, for wasting half a day, for just being 'touristy'; until a hospitable shopkeeper took me in, his wife offered me coffee and lontong (Bali Style)... and their Ibu took me to the village pura, set in the middle of lush paddy fields as far as the eye can see.

It was almost dusk, and the scene before me was so breathtaking - my heart was bursting with awe at the beauty and magic of the moment... and so humbled by the hospitality and kindness of the people...

Well, i'll do a proper update soon. Ubud was good.

Hex Nut Bracelet

2011-10-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

Sampai sakit kepala semalam buat a few bracelets and two necklaces. I absolutely loved the necklaces and I designed them myself.

Another one of the bracelets I made, this is copied from a website, though. But it looks cool. I love.

Life in end of 2011

2011-10-15T03:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was mom's birthday. I made her lunch - steamed chicken with rosemary and herbs.
My sister and I are taking her out for dinner tonight. She will be feeling lonely, as my two other sisters have just left to KL this afternoon, and myself will be going back to KL tomorrow. I cancelled my visit to the Beachfest in Tanjung Aru with Jules. Jules is a French guy I met through Couchsurfing, ironically we have become the only constant presence to each other in KK, as I have no (single) friends left in KK, and he is temporarily making KK his home for 5 months but doesn't really have any friends except for the travellers who constantly come and go.

I have started to make bracelets and necklaces again.. we'll see how long I'll take this interest again. I'm always on and off on a few projects.

I like my bracelet :)

The house I bought is completed, we've put in the lights, bathroom fixtures, fans and airconditioning. It would have been nice to stay there, but again, travelling would be my ultimate goal and it would be good to not be worried about the monthly payments for the house if I rented it out.

Currently I am contented and happy, I feel free, the only thing would the restless feeling for travel. I've already found a host in Bali from my trip in November and feeling happy that a Cuban salsa place is in Ubud... YAYYYY!!

It's already October 2011. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it's 2011.. and what? It's already going to be 2012 in two months?!

A few more trips scheduled till Feb 2012. And hopefully a major one in June or July 2012.. praying hard it'll happen...

Harga sebuah persahabatan

2011-10-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

Lately I feel I'm not much into maintaining contact with friends. With those who know me well, I'm the type who's always organizing reunions, always texting and catching up with people. I guess it's age. And I guess I have realized that sometimes it's just not worth the effort.

I used to think that friends last forever. But as time goes on, relationships, career, self esteem, marriage, children takes a toll on the friendship. It's up to the people in that friendship-relationship to stay grounded and remember all the memories and sacrifices that have gotten them through in this life.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad friend, so I did have a resolution to be a more supportive and selfless person for my friends. I am not sure if I am still being selfish or not, but I felt that my support only attracted people who had a use for it - to be supported but not to support me in return. Of course, I did not give support, love and friendship in anticipation of having a strong network of support - I do think it is up to me to motivate myself and support myself.

However, I am only human. I need care and attention and friendship, too. When a friend who you care and support don't even bother to know how you're doing, or even want to spend time to you, it does make you feel neglected and of no value to them.

Sure, it is easier to have contact with friends in your immediate vicinity. Work friends are the easiest to spend time with. But what about friendship that had spanned years, that had proven it's worth, that had given strength during so many trials and tribulations of life?

I guess I'm just going through a phase, and I hope that I will be able to give love, support and friendship without ANY expectations at all. But for now, I'm doing alright alone, I have a few friends who never forget me, and I have a few big radical plans for my future. Plus I am meeting some new friends, maybe if I was limited to old friends I would have not have time to make new friends. I don't know.

I hope I learn in a positive way through this, that I have yet to be a better friend, that I should give without expecting anything AT ALL, that family indeed is the true-est, and that maybe this is a phase that I am not attracting enough loving people into my life - therefore I must work with my inner self to heal, forgive and love.

Natural Ant Repellant

2011-10-03T08:54:00.000-07:00

I have been experimenting with a lot of cheap and natural alternatives to change my lifestyle. That doesn't mean I've completely replaced everything toxic at home, but I've at least made some changes and have benefitted from it.

We have come to an era in life that we throw away valuable items and buy synthetic versions of it. For example, lemon used to wipe away oil yet we buy dishwashing liquid with lemon smell or with lemon extracts.

It was a humbling realization that we have lost touch with so many natural items around us and even make fun of people who opt to use readily available, cheap, and environmentally friendly everyday food items around us.

Anyway, let's get to it.

I was having ant problems ever since I introduced potted plants into my apartment. I usually left the catfood in the living room, but the ants would start to swarm on it and my cat would get bitten too. (This is funny when she's eating and then jumps back in surprise).

I also like to sit on the carpet in my living room and have my ass bitten by those naughty ants. I know they look delicious, darlings, but they're not for consumption!!!!

Needless to say, water used for drinking had bits of ants who had committed suicide (presumably from broken hearts trying to woo the Queen) and food kept being carried away or antsy smelling.

There were a few things that I tried, and now I have managed to eradicate them! YAY!! In a way that was least harmful to me, too!!

Tea Tree Oil
Didn't work. Nuff said.

Orange Peel
It was CNY season and I had a lot of orange peel leftovers. To dry them, simply put them in a paper bag and leave in your car during work hours under the sun. After 3-4 days the orang peel should be ready to use. It has a delicious tangy smell.. I love it!!

It worked, temporarily.

After 3 weeks the orange peels got mouldy. The ants were still there, but it still worked (I just needed to get the point across.)

p/s: also good as a drawer freshener, just remember to take it out after 2 weeks or so.

Mint Leaves
A friend was making mojitos and had so many leftovers he gave them to me. Not knowing what to do with them, I just plopped them on the kitchen counter and left them there, where they naturally dried out. It occurred to me it could be a natural ant repellant because of its tangy smell and so I placed it around the catfood, the kitchen counter and the carpet where the ants had their path.

Lo and behold! It works! And those old dried out leaves are still there for the past 2-3 months, and working just fine. No more ants at all!!!!!

I noticed the ants will fully be gone after 3-4 weeks, though. For the first week it seems like the mints are not working, but just leave the mint there and eventually the ants will be gone.

Well, just make a little bit of effort to experiment with shooing ants away in the most humane possible way for them, for yourself and for the environment! You can just google it up. I'm sharing the methods that I tried and hope at least one of them works for you.

Spinal Beauty

2011-10-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

Although I have no definite views on spinal beauty, receiving a compliment about my 'beautiful spine' kinda feels nice.

Salsa Cubana

2011-09-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

I think it is getting annoying to those who don't understand... how I am always ranting about how I love Cuban Salsa so much. So what. I love it. Like how I won't stop raving about good food to my good friends.

In this video I'm not really into the guys movement, but the girl.. WOW! I love the way she does her turns.

Always, when watching a video that connects to me, I feel this deep ache that I can't explain. Like a deep longing for.. what? I don't know. It feels like I'm missing someone deeply but can't meet them. It's a weird feeling, I don't understand it myself, but I guess that makes up the deep passion for Salsa Cubana.

30s club

2011-09-21T03:20:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly, turning 30 has actually been the best thing that has happened so far to me.
It WAS followed by months of loneliness, of self restraint, of soul searching, of being lost.

But this is the thing - I am finally starting (yes, starting) to become more comfortable in my own skin.

And even with this tiny shift, I could see how much I have taken back my power.

Being T-H-I-R-T-Y rocks!!
who knew...???

Dancing

2011-08-20T21:15:00.000-07:00

I started a few new activities just to try it out...
and that was Kickboxing (Whew ! Love it! Your stress drains away with beating up something)
and Capoeira (this is awesome. you use your whole body and the movements are strong yet calming. there is music as well)

and my Capoeira teacher invited me to join her Afro Performance team... which means I get Afro Dance lessons for free!!!

Last week I also learnt man steps during the Kizomba workshop and lots of girls complimented that my lead was good - it should be since I understand how I would want to be lead as girl (and I think girls are naturally great lead as they have better body movement).

I am so tired but I am not missing out these opportunities :)

Thank you God..

Kizomba

2011-08-10T08:36:00.000-07:00

Kizomba is a partner dance native of the African country of Angola, it is a fusion of Semba with the Zouk music styles from the French Caribbean Islands with influences from other Lusophone countries. Kizomba means party in the Kimbundu dialect of Angola.

In Angola in the 50's the expression "Kizombadas' referred to a party.There was no association of the word to a Dance genre or a musical genre.But the dance known as "Semba","Rebita", "Kabetula", "Maringa", already existed in the 50's and 60's. Other dances coming from Europe like Tango, practiced by the Portuguese colonials. The "Plena" from Puerto Rico and Merengue are thought to be brought by the Cuban influence in Angola during the war. The style of Kizomba is now emphasizes a very smooth way of dancing with heavy influences of Tango steps, but one of the main differences is that the lower body, the hip, does forward/backwards and circle movements.People dance on the tempo, as well as playing on the off beat and only sometimes using syncopated steps.

In the modern Semba dance, it is easy to observe how so many of the steps have been influenced by Cuban dance and perhaps vice versa, as you can find high similarities in both genres.

Yes! Kizomba is finally generating some hype here. The reason why I was promoting Kizomba was actually because I loved dancing it but there was no one for me to dance with. So, a friend from France went and did a workshop, and now there's a small buzz in the salsa community on Kizomba. I'm happy.

However, the above video is a bit too 'show -off'-y or contrived imho. I prefer sensuality that is intangible, you can feel it by the energies, slight touches, or eye contact between the two dancers instead of overly gyrating hips. But this is my personal preference, in fact many good Kizomba dancers do the above video style (based on all the youtubes I've been watching).

Tapi style aku biasalah, very street or raw I guess. Of all the polished and professional Kizomba videos that I've watched, the below video has got to be my most favourite one. It's more to Semba actually (which is kind of a predecessor of Kizomba) and very free and playful, but still sensuous in a way.

Selambe je kan, kat jalan raya, just dance.

My friend told me he went to Ghana, and there.. someone turns on the radio in a shop, and suddenly everyone just gets up and dances. It's just so natural for them, no constraints.. dance is just their expression of joy and they really feel it.

note: just FYI, I've been told both video's above are more to Semba than Kizomba.

Girl Travellers

2011-08-10T02:45:00.000-07:00

I just felt the need to point out that.. travelling solo might not be for everyone.

It needs a lot of instinct and fearlessness - being unafraid of your surroundings or just walking away from a person in a seemingly innocent situation (regardless if it might seem rude) just because you felt something wasn't right.

It means being on guard when walking in places that makes you uneasy and thinking ahead (ok this part aku lemah but still..)

It means being independent and having that fearless look on your face.
Penjahat will target you less.

It means trusting yourself that you will know what to do, and you'll do it, without fear, with full strength, should a situation arise that you need to protect yourself.

And it means a strong clear mind on what you expect of your trip. An openness and humility that will attract many angels to protect you on the trip.

But for me, above all, instinct and trusting that I know what to do, at the right time, serves me well.

Be safe, everyone.

Singapura

2011-08-06T22:48:00.000-07:00

less than 48 hours in Singapura.

a miniscule spot of Salsa and Bachata Dancing, getting my nose accidentally hit by a girl (it has been 2 days and my nose still hurts).. and not even crying or acting that it hurt because I was so embarassed by it ...

Tofu Tiramisu cake.. flourless and butterless, too

Clark Quay, Esplanade, Riverside (and Geylang heheh)

SkyBar on the 62nd Floor.. awesome

Walking, talking, meeting people, live performances

A bad bout of gas on the last day.. hahah embarassing!

A very simple weekend but one of the best that I had in the longest time.

*closes eyes*
Thank you Allah.

Son Dancing

2011-08-02T19:42:00.000-07:00

Aku sudah lama jatuh cinta dengan Son dancing and music.

But, not many people in the salsa scene know about Son. Most of them try to dance Bachata to Son music.. which is ok, but aku rasa kalau dance bachata to son music, feeling tu lari sikit. Aku sendiri menari Son masih tak sure timing aku betul ke tak. Anyways, I have always been craving for more development in the salsa scene, for example Dominican Bachata, Son and Guaguanco... and a few wonderful things have been happening in the Salsa scene lately....
All of the stuff I have wanted have started to be introduced and at least I get to dance this stuff with someone, even if it's very basic.

As for Son, one of the dancers decided to DJ for a few salsa nights around town and the crowd immediately loved his song selection. Kena pulak he is more to the Cuban-style so he is warmly welcomed by the Cuban dancers. And he played a few Son songs last Monday, which I got to dance to two of them with a friend who also (kinda) knows Son.

Tak kisah la timing out ke ape.. the emotions coursing to me listening to Son is indescribable, and being able to dance to it?

Bliss.

2 days in Phuket

2011-07-23T03:05:00.000-07:00

I went to Phuket with a Lonely Planet book in hand. That's all.

No itinerary, no exact idea of what to do or where to go, even. At the airport, I realized I had to write something in my immigration card as to which town I was going to, so that kind of put things in perspective, I realized I had to formulate a plan quick.. so as not to waste my very short visit to the island. As I passed through the arrival gate, I was grinning to myself like an idiot, for I still had no idea where to go and was totally relishing the feeling of freedom. I could go anywhere I liked! I had no one to keep an eye on, no one would be pissed off if I didn't know what to do where to go or how! It was exhilirating!

So... in this state of excitement and idiot-like-grinning mode, I sat myself down at the Tourist lounge and flipped through the book. I decided that Patong might be too happening for someone like me (the clueless, single girl tourist.. who's very small and short and appears fragile as my friends say).

Waited for the bus and paid 8000baht to Phuket Town.

Upon arriving, I went to a few guest houses but didn't find one to my liking. It was hot walking around town and I didn't bring a proper backpack.. just a heavy normal bag to carry with your hands it was getting me mighty tired!!! At one point, I couldn't find anymore guesthouses and I didn't know where to go, so I asked this elderly French guy (who didn't speak English) and I guess he took a pity on me, he came back and sent me to On On Hotel on his motorbike.

My Lonely Planet didn't really recommend this hotel for it's very old setting, but the moment I took a look at the old decrepit hotel, I fell in love!! I loved it!! It reminded me of my childhood in rural Sabah where I spent some time in my aunt's place.. the old wooden houses.

My room was quite big

My room cost RM25 with an attached bathroom, there were dorms for RM18 but I didn't want to go to a shared bathroom which was open unless I was travelling with friends. The rooms were wooden, there was even some duct tape on the floor and walls. I didn't take a picture of scribblings of travellers on the wall.. It was a chronology of names and dates of people who stayed in the room. It was nice to read, but I didn't add on to it.

The hallway

After that, I just walked around town. It was already 1pm at the time. I stumbled upon a nice gallery, I really liked this guys paintings. I've been to several galleries in Melaka, and some in Vietnam, but none ever really catched my eye the way his paintings did.

I went to the shops where all the people spoke Thai to me. LOL. That was kind of weird considering I was not dressed like the locals but I guess I really did look Thai. I'm usually mistaken for a Japanese tourist as well (what? dahla hitam).. in Laos, Vietnam and Thai.. only a few will guess Malaysia, the rest will guess Japan. On very rare occasions I pass off as a Latina.

Thai popia.. didn't really fancy it

Ate some local food.. I had some popia and some rice noodle soup.. the tables were set in Canteen style.. you know very long tables and everyone just sits in groups.. so anyway I was eating alone in my section when a local celebrity came and ate next to me, with his entourage. Agak menyampah tengok how his assistants fawn over him, and everyone came to take pictures, even the shop owner and chef came out to take pics and shake hands with him.

I kinda felt rugi to not to take a pic with him, but it felt weird to come up and take a pic with a celebrity you don't even know. Plus menyampah factor made me tak nak take picture as well.

Walked some more about town, (actually trying to find my hotel) and saw kids studying under a tree. Oh comel.

Local delicacy, coconut milk jelly

In the evening, I decided enough walking, I should rent a scooter and try to go to the nearest beach. I got a scooter for RM20 a day (and a pink helmet!) but I was really nervous, being in a strange town and not having ridden a bike in at least 5 years! Rode at a speed of.. 20 km/h. HAHA.

I wanted to go to Kata Beach , but I was really nervous. Desperately wanted to make a new friend so that I can go to the beach with some one, perhaps even get a ride since I was really unsure if I could ride at night, in a strange town, and being clumsy riding it. Ok, takpe, queue at the gas station first.

There, a white guy rode up and queued at the adjacent line to mine. He looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, not so friendly cause I wasn't really sure if he was just being polite or if he actuallly was being friendly.
He asked me if I spoke English (" Do you.. speak.. Englishh??") , and I said yes, I do. He looked a bit embarassed haha because he spoke to me like I didn't understand at all.

So he introduced himself and asked me if I knew the way to the Gypsy Village. I said I didn't. He asked me where I was going to, which I replied that I didn't have any plans yet. So he invited me to go to a beach and I said yes. We planned the journey and decided it was better to go on one bike.

These were jellies too.. I think

So I rode with him and he showed me Patong in passing. He didn't really like the tourist spots so he didn't think Patong was worth showing to me. He did muse that I easily followed a stranger like him, he could be a kidnapper or something, but I replied I always trust my instinct and I know how to take care of myself. I added that I can run fast, too... and that if I found that he could be acting like a jerk, there were always taxis that I could take to go back.

I asked what was in his bag, and he said "oh, just rope and some duct tape" which I found really funny cause he was alluding to the kidnapper thing.

We finally arrived at Kata beach (YAY!! I actually managed to find someone to take me to Kata without even knowing it!) and had some food and drinks and sat by the beach after. I found out that he was a student and the stuff in his bag was photography equipment. (Can I add this guy was really cute?)

I had a good time talking to him, enjoying the sunset, and then he sent me back to my hotel around 9pm. The town was already winding down and a lot of shops were already closed. I didn't have my dinner yet so I walked around the corner, so a pub and almost went inside but I saw a normal shop selling local food and went there instead. Again, was mistaken for a Thai and had to establish that I only speak English haha.

Dinner - fish and bambooshoots with egg

Don't know why I was taken by the grains in the soya bean drinks.. bought all of them and then ended up being too full

The next day, I had already made arrangements through a travelling forum (Couchsurfing) to meet up another person. I would have preferred to meet some locals, but for some reason there were not many local Phuketians on CS and some of them had weird profiles. Even some of the white people living in Phuket had creepy profiles. So I decided to go with the profile I liked most and settled on a guy who seemed to have many tips for travellers and good references from many people.

As I went to Kata Beach (down south) yesterday, this guy lived in Bung Tao (more northern) and he recommended that I go to the beach in the morning. Again, I was apprehensive to ride but I figured it was morning, not so many vehicles and I should try a few km, if I felt I can't handle it, I will ride back to my hotel and take a bus. I knew I had to be vigilant about time because the last bus back to Phuket from Bang Tao was at 3pm.

But I rode and rode.. and with the map, it was exhilirating! Loved it!!!! There were almost no big trucks and people were very courteous on the road.. far way courteous than in Malaysia and Vietnam. ( I rate Vietnam higher in driving ethics than Malaysia eventhough Vietnam roads seems more chaotic).

Kamala Beach

I enjoyed the morning beach alone and then went to meet my host, we sat by the beach, swam at a nearby swimming pool, had some local food and I decided to go back to Phuket Town early.

On the way back (again, grinning like an idiot on the bike - at the sheer freedom of choosing myself where to go and when.. this is kind of idiotic, really), and decided to stop at a local museum. Oh too bad, they close at 4.30pm on weekends. And then I went to a temple that I saw..

some local girls studying in some classes

Nice evening view

On the way back, as I had a few hours to spare, I decided to try find the Gypsy Village but it was quite a long ride, it was dark and I suddenly came to a dead end with a nice restaurant at the end of it. Oklah, enjoy some coconut juice here saja lah..

Headed back to Phuket town after. I decided to go to the nearby weekend market to grab some food. This trip I didn't really feel like taking so much pictures, I didn't really enjoy Phuket that much aside from the beaches.. because I felt it hugely lacked cultural influences. Maybe I didn't really mix around that much hence my conclusion as such.

After that I went back to sleep. On both days I slept at around 10.30pm.. I was tired from walking and riding and haha maybe no company to party.

They have complete instant meals.. this one is noodles

chicken and Rice instant meal

My flight was 8am and I belatedly found out that the local bus only runs at 7am on the weekends!! (The schedule showed that it was 5am but apparently only on weekdays). At 5.30am, I ventured out of the hotel in the darkness, to walk to the bus stop (I checked with several people if it was safe to walk there at 5am and all replied yes).

However, one of the hotel guest (a Thai guy) was still in the lounge area charging his phone. He was worried about me walking in the darkness so he offered to give me a ride. At first I didn't want to accept because kesian, tapi he looked so worried so I accepted. At the bus station, he was so kind to ask if the buses were available to take me, or any tuktuks but there were none. At that point I didn't even care, I would have just bought another ticket back, but this very kindhearted gentlemen made sure I got to the airport on time.. by sending me in his car!!!! Turns out he was an engineer on a work trip but decided to spend the night in the town's oldest hotel. We exchanged emails and handphone numbers, and I promised that I will host him if he comes to Malaysia.

Dah sampai rumah tiba tiba nak camwhore pulak

I find the Thai people very courteous.. and it really is the Land of Smiles. It's so easy to ask for directions, and everyone (including very old people) will make sure you get your directions right if you ask them, and they will always give you a beautiful, honest, heartwarming smile. They are very courteous on the roads, always waiting until the road is completely clear before switching lanes or crossing junctions. I love it.. I think we have a lot to learn from these people.

Hence with only 2 days in Phuket, I came back and felt the hunger again.......... to travel, for freedom, to wander and experience. Sigh. I thought it was a great adventure with the first guy though, eventhough it was quite risky but again, I trust my instinct, I pray for my safety and have a strong will.

To more beautiful, enlightening, safe journeys and adventures!!!

Absorber

2011-07-21T02:27:00.000-07:00

Setiap kali aku berjaya melakukan sesuatu dengan minimum dependency.. aku rasa sangat bangga diri. Kadang-kadang timbul perasaan lucu dengan sikap diri sendiri yang sentiasa kagum dan kemudian bangga dengan kebolehan untuk berubah.

Beberapa minggu yang lepas, kereta Kelisa itu mula berbunyi ktung! ktang! ktung! ktang!

Setelah penyiasatan dijalankan, disyaki absorber Kelisa sudah 'out'. Daddy kata mungkin dalam RM150 sebatang. Aku sudah bersedia menyiapkan RM300 dalam poket, menggantikan absorber belakang sepasang.

Aku pergi ke bengkel. Aku dapati harga total bagi sepasang absorber belakang adalam RM200, termasuk upah. Aku bertanya pada rakan-rakan. Ada yang berkata terlalu mahal, ada yang berkata OKla tu. Niat di hati untuk menjalankan pengkajian melalui survey di bengkel lain dan carian Google, tapi entah kenapa, asyik tertangguh.

Lantas si Kelisa berbunyi-bunyi selama beberapa minggu laksana sebuah pickup tua.

Akhirnya, fedup dengan sifat bertangguh diriku, pada suatu pagi aku bangun dan berkata pada diriku:

"I will go to that workshop today. The workshop will give me an honest, affordable price and give me an honest job. So it is."

..dan kemudian menghantar si Kelisa ke bengkel. Tekad, tanpa melakukan homework di bengkel lain. Di sana, aku terjumpa dengan bos bengkel dan meminta quote baru. Dia memberikan anggaran sahaja, dan kemudian aku meninggalkan bengkel itu.

Petang aku kembali, dan mendapat total harga adalah RM130! YESZAH.

Dan hari ini aku mengambil keputusan untuk tidak berfikir panjang lagi dan menukar absorber depan juga. Total termasuk tailpipe, gasket exhaust, brake pads, upah dan absorber depan adalah RM501.
Perasaan aku agak terguris, tetapi bulan depan besar kemungkinan rumahku akan diserahkan kunci dan kerja-kerja ubahsuai rumah bermula. Kerja-kerja untuk si Kelisa tidak mungkin ditangguh ke bulan depan...

Lucunya, aku tersenyum-senyum seorang kerana terasa mandiri (fuiyo, sebenarnya tak tau apakah itu mandiri). Terasa bebas dari sikap lama yang suka bergantung dan kemudian menyalahkan orang lain. Aku harap aku teruskan sikap begini (tanpa tersenyum seorang diri).

Phuket

2011-07-13T21:23:00.000-07:00

Came back from Phuket last weekend. Not many pictures. I went by myself, malas pulak nak camwhore sorang2.

In the here and now

2011-07-08T03:58:00.000-07:00

I saw this video at Chicsinred's blog and really felt I could identify with it.

Aku memang tak berapa suka iPhone. Sebenarnya dari tahun 2000 lagi, aku sudah perasan trend ni. The (perasan) trendy girls duduk kat meja masa kat Restoran Nor masa zaman kat UTM Skudai and sebuk text orang. Konon ramai kawan la tu. Ramai orang nak ngorat la tu. Happening la tu.

Aku masa tu ada handphone, tapi macam.. er, I just didn't see the point sebuk text orang pada waktu ko sepatutnya makan and socialize with your friends. But when I hang out with my 'not-so-trendy' friends, we had a good time talking and teasing each other. Masing-masing handphone letak dalam bag. My best memories of my twenties were of laughing and joking FACE TO FACE with my friends. I don't have much memories associated with texts .. even if they were the sweetest awesomest words ever.

Nasib baik sekarang, dah takde sape-sape dalam hidup aku yang dok ngadap phone je.

Sebab, makhluk yang paling rapat dengan aku takde iphone. Sorrylah Momoe, no iphone present for you kiddie... nanti sebok main Angry Bird :P

baru nak kenal Adele

2011-07-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

Her lyrics are still a bit raw but her voice.. oh her voice. She sounds good live and she writes her own material. Cik Arrebreg dah berapa kali dok promote Adele but I never got around to listen to her. And when I finally did.. I haven't stopped playing her songs all day long.. for several days lol.

True hair

2011-07-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

Going natural - I'm using SLS free shampoo, NO conditioner, NO leave-in, NO styling products, NO hot oil etc. My hair hasn't been combed in weeks. No more rebonding. Sometimes it does look like a rats nest but I've received many compliments since going natural... and best of all, i'm not fighting my hair anymore... ( I think those with curly hair would understand the battle :P)..

Accept yourself the way you are.. love yourself.. and your body will return the favour.. insya Allah.. still working towards full acceptance.. it has been a long battle with self esteem before I realized my hair does actually look good naturally, without all the superficial layers.......

Kuala Terengganu

2011-07-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

I have gone to Kuala Terengganu a few times during my uni years to visit my friends.
The last time I went to KT was for my salsa teacher's wedding and I already did some exploring there, with a few discoveries of my own. I am familiar with Nasi Kerabu and Nasi Dagang, Sata and other delicious East Coast delicacies.

So I was surprised to discover, during a recent work-related trip there, that there was still a lot of food for me to discover!

Nasi Lemak Ikan

Went to the uni canteen and saw option between Nasi Lemak Ikan and Nasi Lemak Bilis. I was like, wha?? Of course, I chose Nasi Lemak Ikan. Actually it was just a slab of fish in the Nasi Lemak, but I tell you, the Nasi Lemak was heavenly. The rice was fluffy and the sambal was just right. The fish flesh was sweet and fresh. Clearly it was a good match. I wonder why we don't have it in KL.

Ropa (potato)

Saw a selection of kuih and saw one kuih which looked like a crepe. I took it. Inside it was potatos with a mild taste of curry or maybe just onions. It's like a savoury crepe. A survey amongst friends in Facebook lead me to it's name -- Ropa. It's can be filled with either potato or sambal. I liked it.

After the site visit was over, I decided to head over to the beach. It was Pantai Tok Jembal. Not that impressive. The shoreline had just been 'tambak'-ed but it was not a good job at all. I think it will corrode in a year's time. Along the road there were a few stalls and I decided to get myself some coconut juice. I then saw this item, which reminded me of Satay Ikan sold outside of my school in the evenings.

Satay Ikan

It looked like mini Keropok Lekors. Bought 5 sticks which cost RM1. The taste was not impressive, although it wasn't too bad. Sat by the beach to catch the refreshing breeze, played with a local cat (it was so funny watching the breeze ruffle it's fur! It looked like a fighting cat - you know the puffed fur- without the aggressiveness. Cute.)

I read in my Lonely Planet book about the Muzium Negeri. I did see a few signs pointing to Pulau Duyong but since it was already 3.30pm I didn't want to lose the museum that closes at 5pm. Hurriedly drove to the museum.

Muzium

Upon arriving, the guard said the museum was closed. I was a bit disappointed and slightly annoyed. I remembered the book saying it closed at 5pm. What's wrong if I just went in for a few minutes? I decided to explore the place as the building was very beautiful. I loved it. By chance I came upon the main door and managed to buy my ticket! Yay~

Had to check in my camera in a locker, cause the lady saw the camera in my hand. Sheesh.

Inside it was just normal museum but I still felt it was quite interesting. There were old Malay costumes in various styles ( I didn't know there were so many and even types of songket, kain batik, kain tenun etc). There were beautifully crafted gold jewellery that took my breath away.

Upon leaving, I discovered the key to my camera was lost! ARGH! A guy came and helped me open my locker with a screwdriver. In exchange, he asked for my number. Me always being lembut hati, couldn't say No even when I didn't want him to call me. He asked me out for a date but I told him "nanti abang marah". Haha cliche siot. Anyways thanks to him I got my camera back.

River beside the museum

On the museum compound, there were houses that resembled old Malay houses. At this point it was 6pm+ so I didn't really want to get lost wandering in there, thus didn't take any pictures. I'll surely visit again to see those houses.

The view by the river was superb. I love.

Boardwalk at Taman Tamadun Islam

Headed to Taman Tamadun Islam on a whim after. The boardwalk was brand new and very quiet. A beautiful view of Masjid Kristal in the background.. and the park was really really nice. Saw a few joggers making the rounds.

Masjid Kristal

Headed to Batu Buruk to catch dinner. This place was OK la. I had Sotong Celup which was dipped in tons of flour! YUCK. The sotong (squid) was ok, but too much oil and flour. Did not enjoy the meal even though it did taste ok (as opposed to tasting bad).

Sotong Celup and Cendawan Celup

It was time to head back to the airport, but again, I just couldn't help but stop at a restaurant to see what else KT had to offer me. The shop was called 'Local Delights' or 'Kelantan Delights'. Again, discovered another new thing. Ketupat Sotong.

Previously I had heard of Ketupat Sotong and did taste it in a shop near to my office. But it was savoury and to be eaten with rice as 'lauk'. Ketupat Sotong masak Sambal. Hence, I was surprised to see the very same Ketupat Sotong served as dessert.

Ketupat Sotong with Coconut Milk

It was sweet and salty - it was a bit weird to eat squid as a dessert but the dish was quite appealing to me.
I was very full at this time already. There was another kuih which looked like pancake or kuih doraemon, filled with kaya, but I passed.

And thus, I boarded the airplane with a very full stomach, and quite pleased with myself. Slept in until afternoon the next day as I was worn out by the heat!! Walked under the sun during the site visit and more during the visit at the museum. Enjoyed myself and will come back to discover more foodies, visit the museum again, and Pulau Duyung.

Makanan Sihat untuk Gaya Hidup Malas Part II

2011-07-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

Makan sihat gaya hidup malas Part1 di sini: http://sexy-underwear.blogspot.com/2011/02/makanan-sihat-untuk-gaya-hidup-malas.html

Took about 15 minutes to prepare.

Aglio Olio, Garlic Salmon and Garlic Bell Pepper.

Equal parts of Veggie, Protein and Carbs.

Garlic Salmon
1. Dice garlic, about 2 large pieces.
2. Rub half teaspoon of salt and 1 teaspoon pepper onto Salmon.
3. Pour about 1-2 tablespoon of oil (I used grapeseed oil or olive oil) on to pan. Heat oil and sautee garlic.
4. Put salmon on pan, and flip when one side is brown-ish.

Garlic Bell Peper

1. Dice garlic, about 2 large pieces. Cut Bell Pepper into bite-sized square shapes.

2. Pour about 1-2 tablespoon of oil (I used grapeseed oil or olive oil) on to pan. Heat oil and sautee garlic.

3. Add half teaspoon to oil.

4. Add bell pepper to pan and sautee for about 1 1/2 minutes.

Aglio Olio

1. Boil pasta (enough for 1 person) until cooked. Remove and toss in cold water.

2. Dice garlic, again about 2-3 large pieces.

3. Pour about 3-4 tablespoon of oil (I used grapeseed oil or olive oil) on to pan. Heat oil and sautee garlic.

4. Add a very small amount of chilli flakes OR red chilli (2 pcs cili besar, cut into long strips, buang biji) and sautee. Add 1 tsp salt. Turn off stove.

5. Add pasta. Toss pasta with the oil in the pan.

We could have had it all

2011-06-28T09:33:00.001-07:00

‎"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
— Khalil Gibran

The lyrics are a bit too vengeful but it's the chorus that keeps me hooked. Sigh.

The screaming silence

2011-06-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

Terpaku.

And here I am, my useless screaming silence... pale in comparison to hers.
I am too humbled.

http://carlysvoice.com/

You are an inspiration, Carly.

Read a sample of her article: http://carlysvoicecom.powweb.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/enlish-home-work-whats-wrong-with-the-world-20101.pdf

Tell me if you aren't reduced to tears, humility and awe -- watching the video and hearing her voice on paper.

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

2011-06-10T01:53:00.001-07:00

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'
In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in
love... Because it's happening TO YOU .

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU .

Falling in love is easy . It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship . Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies , instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?'
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown . People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the
results are predictable... you can 'make'love .

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always :

'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'

>>>copy pasted it off a friend's Facebook<<<

Lauryn: I'm angry about my past. Argh. Go away!!!! *waiting for my travels to Phuket to clear my mind* ommmmmmmmmm

Emosi

2011-06-02T21:32:00.000-07:00

Semalam, di dalam kesamaran malam, sewaktu aku sedang makan lewat malam bersama rakan baik ku, aku terlihat susuk tubuh seakan-akan dia. Bajunya biru berbelang nipis putih, juga seakan-akan kepunyaannya. Cahaya lampu tidak terang, dan aku amati wajahnya secara curi curi pandang, namun aku rasakan agak ketara perbuatan aku itu.

Bungkusan nasi lemak di meja dibuka bersahaja. Mengambil sudu dan menggaulkan sambal ikan bilis bersama ketulan-ketulan nasi. Aku gunakan sudu untuk memotong sedikit telur goreng, untuk disekalikan dengan nasi dan sambal yang akan aku suapkan ke mulut. Sekali sekala aku melihat ke arahnya; memerhati gaya perlakuannya. Masih tidak dapat kupastikan.

Hati aku tertanya-tanya. Betulkah..?

Sepuluh, lima belas minit berlalu. Rakan-rakan rancak bercerita. Aku selitkan sedikit kisah yang lucu merancakkan suasana. Tetapi, masih lagi aku perhatikan dari jauh si dia yang membuahkan tanda tanya bagi diriku.

Akhirnya, dia bangun, dan sambil berjalan ke arah keretanya, cahaya lampu menyirami wajah orang itu.

Bukan.
Bukan orang yang aku sangkakan.

Tetapi....

Aku rasakan tidak adil apabila perasaan yang datang.. ada berbagai-bagai, menenggelamkan aku. Perasaan rindu, marah, bersalah, sedih, dan sakit.. semuanya bercampur baur, membuatkan aku agak sukar untuk mengikuti perbualan rakan-rakan.

Paksakan diri, mengangkat akal aku daripada hanyut dibuai perasaan yang melekakan, membuang masa, membencikan. Paksakan diri, untuk ketawa dan menyertai semula tajuk umpatan dan jenaka.

Tapi dengan menyangkal semua emosi yang mendatangi aku, sebuah perasaan baru muncul.

Perasaan putus asa.

Drums

2011-05-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the La.tin A.merican F.estival at BB Park. I was picturing the latin america lifestyle of fiesta in the streets, and I wanted to go for the dancing. But then again, I wasn't too sure.. entah-entah banyak speeches and jual-jual baju or jersey Brasil jer ke ape kan.. macam boring pulak kan.

Last minute pulak, I got to know I was to perform Rueda representing the Cuban Embassy. Well.. our troupe was quite an experienced troupe.. tetapi a few things went wrong:

1) percussionist main drums lari daripada the background music. That was damn confusing for us dancers.
2) one of the dancers tu memang macam over sikit, dia nervous kot.. tapi ko bayangkan i'm at an elevated stage and dia boleh tolak aku.. kalau aku topple over the stage macamana? cibai. (mamat ni juga kalau social dancing, selalu jer tersiku orang). nasib baik aku sempat nak control.
3) orang yang sama juga tadi tersilap move.

Overall aku tak puas hati dengan performance tuh, memalukan dan for sure lepas ni practice will be mandatory kerana orang-orang macam dia. Syaitan. Dahla aku tak suka gi practice sebab selalu last minute dan event manager suka marah-marah ikut angin dia.. malas nak layan.

Tapi.. aku sempat tengok capoeira school buat show. OMG.. body hotttt.. and even the chinese guys have butts. Ok.. that was damn hot. And the chinese guys know how to samba according to time too!! That was seriously awesome.

They also played drums like this.. OMG.. aku tak tau nak cakap macamana.. the music fills up the air.. flows in your blood.. vibrates in your body.. I felt SO alive!!!
Dammit.. kenapa aku dah tua baru nak experience all this?? Whatever it is, aku nak belajar. I want to be part of this.

Sayangnya, aku banyak hutang. Aku dah beli rumah. Tapi.... orang faham tak, rumah ke, kete ke, duit banyak ke.. aku tak heran semua tu. I want this in my life. Dancing and music, pumping in my veins... and I am happy. I am going to make it happen, no matter what. and God, allow me to achieve everything. Money, career, AND my passions. Everything.

And indeed, what I expected did come true. After the performance, we went to visit all the booths representing the countries, sampled their food and drinks, and danced for hours in the streets. It was AWESOME.. and I am thirsting for more.

HOMESICK

2011-05-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

I am frikkin' homesick.

Been thinking about my parents from morning.. I really want to go home.

Well, actually, I already have 5 more tickets until the end of the year that I pre-bought during AirAsia's promotion. AA rocks y'all!

And to think about 3-4 years ago I wouldn't have given a shit if I went back home or not, if my parents called me or not. If my mom was in KL pun I really didn't bother to see her. I have no regrets or shame.. only a little sad that I was that way. Because all I see now is that I have changed and totally love my parents, love to hear their voice, miss them, think about them. I am grateful I am given that chance to change, while I still have time.

Egyptian Magic Cream

2011-05-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

I started doing my research on how to deal with my pimples when I stumbled across many reviews on this product. Seeing there were a lot of rave reviews on it, and all the celebrity endorsements, I decided to give it a try. At the time I was having dry/combination skin and needed something that can moisturise my face, heals scars and not aggravate my pimples.

There were many rave reviews about it (please, just google it will you) and I ordered a small sample pack of 15g from a Malaysian online seller. It cost me RM27 for 15g inclusive postage.

At this time, I also was trying to solve my black lips problem, and was growing my hair in its natural state (I've always rebonded my hair).. and wanted to use natural products. So I used the stuff for all skin, lips and hair.

First, here's a little summary of what Egyptian Magic Cream is:

It's an all natural skincare cream that promises to have legendary healing powers due to its unique blend of all natural ingredients abstracted from living plants and organisms.

The balm is pretty magical if you ask me! It heals cuts and burns, eliminates bruises, reduces scars and wrinkles, heals and dries pimples, hydrates the skin, heals and moisturizes chapped lips, relieves sunburns, can be used as massage lotion, shaving foam, hair smoothing shinning cream, hair moisturizer mask, hot oil treatment, hair conditioner and about 25 other things!

Read here for more information: http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1294617

... here's my experience using it:

Hair
It certainly did tame flyaway hair and made hair look very shiny. Although, it was a bit heavy for hair to tumble in loose curls, it would be awesome to use in a slicked back ponytail or a chignon. You only use the tiniest dab and smooth it on to your hair. My hair stayed slicked back and with no annoying flyaways the rest of the day.

It did not look nice with loose hair, though.

Lips
It was hydrating to use on the lips and did not blacken my lips, in fact made it slightly redder. But, it did not absorb into the lips and in the end after about one hour it was already licked off my lips. However, it is great to use as a lip balm or lip gloss.

Cuts
I did put it on some cat scratches and didn't notice any magical results, but the healing was maybe accelerated by 20-25% (lol how did I quantify this). But when put on burns, it helped A LOT. I pegi pegang a kuali that was sedang dipanaskan (how idiotic is that) and my fingers were slightly burnt and sensitive. I put on this stuff and in about 1 hour the swelling and sensitivity was gone. Also good for itchy skin from God knows what bugs that bite.. it works to ease the swelling and itchiness 90% of the time.

Pimple Scars
Didn't actually lessen the scars but did not aggravate the pimples.

Face
I used it as a night cream by taking a tiny bit on my fingertip and rubbing until it melts and spread it thinly on my face. I woke up with a hydrated face (depends, sometimes oily) but it did not aggravate the pimples. No noticeable plumpness or improvement to my skin texture though. Plus I thought it was a bit expensive to use everyday on my face, so I stuck with vitamin E.

I also used it as moisturiser (same method as above, only lesser quantity) and I think it was a good base for foundation and makeup. However, avoid using this on hot days (which Malaysia has on most days) as my face started to get oily. If I did not go out of the office at all, it was good acting as a moisture barrier from the evil air conditioning. But if I went out to have lunch on a hot day, there was a lot of oil on my cheeks.

Lastly, also used it as a makeup remover which did a pretty decent job, but again, I felt it was too expensive to use as a makeup remover and you need to use slightly more for it to do a decent job as a makeup remover/double cleanser agent. (I'm used to using the liquid makeup remover which does a quicker job).

Hands
It was good as a handcream (though expensive to be used as one!). I also used it on my knees, and elbows and it was good moisturising those rough spots.

Butt
HAHA. I know you'd be like "??????? ... Butt???"

Well, truth to be told, I was having folliculitis on my butt. On my worst time ever, it was like below (back in uni days). They also left black scars on my buttocks when I manage to get rid of them, but it would come back easily when I sweated too much, or wore certain synthetic clothing. I had to treat folliculitis with antibiotic cream and I wondered if it would ever end... because it kept coming back.

So I applied EMC to my butt to see what would happen and also get rid of some minor stretchmarks on the hips. I was a bit apprehensive as I was afraid EMC would clog the pores.. but hey ho! it has managed to cure my butt~! YAY!! Now I only have minor scars there which I hope will fade over time. Very minor scars.. my butt is *almost* showable now! Happy! (not that I want to go around parading my butt... but you get what I mean).

No noticeable effect on stretchmarks, though.

Verdict: 4.9 out of 5 (Stellar product!)
- i only think it's too expensive for my budget, although considering it's expensiveness and the wide range of usefulness it is sooo much value for money.

Pros:
1. The sample size made it easy for me to carry everywhere!
2. Can be used for so many things, nightcream, moisturiser, makeup remover, lips, hair, skin, hands etc... the list goes on and on!
3. I like the smell as it was not perfumed. Some people hated the smell though, but to me I prefer this over cloying perfumed products that may even clash with your perfume or other stuff you're using.
4. Healed my folliculitis! *bliss*
5. Didn't aggravate my pimples.
6. No oil seeds under the eyes when used as night cream.
7. Helps with healing (only 25% for me, though).
8. Is natural
9. Did not blacken my lips (my lips are easily blackened using cheap lipstick (In2it) or toothpaste (Colgate, Darlie etc).
10. Can be used on cuts, burns, insect bites

Cons:
1. Is a bit expensive
2. Not suitable to style loose hair.
3. Did not get rid of my stretchmarks.
4. Did not get rid of my pimple scars (in a short time).

Pimpleface

2011-05-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

Note: This entry is used as an intro for a few beauty products. So bear with this post now will you.

About a year ago, I was plagued by a horrible slew of acne that left horrendous black scars on my skin. As a person who's skin usually healed fairly rapidly and who had hardly suffered any pimples throughout my life, I was feeling super low and embarassed about my skin condition.

I was also going through (and still am) a phase of using natural products, of which I started using Coconut Oil on my face as an Oil Cleansing Method regime (worked fabulous for the first week and started to develop pimples).

I recovered from the above and started taking Cocoa Collagen Plus (that will get another post) and then topped up with Pruereira Mirifica and I think the CCP started off with pimples which the PM then converted into acne.

Anyways, this was how my face looked like.

Maybe the full extent of my pimples were not revealed but those zits wouldn't go away. They were filled with pus, were all over my face, dried out and then came back, and I applied countless pimple products to no avail.

My solution? I had to use a sterilized pin and pop them.
Very messy -_-"

I'll post a review on the various products I used to get rid of them, to deal with my crazy skin, and healing stuff. The scars are still here, though :(

Single Girl's Activities - Watching Series (Alone :P)

2011-05-10T05:02:00.001-07:00

Nothing much. I'm surviving. Not ecstatic but.. OK lah. Not too depressed due to many invites coming in during the weekend. Thank God.

I am finally hooked on Weeds.. and have finished Season 6! Grrr.. cause Season 7 is not out yet.

Have watched bits and pieces of How I Met Your Mother.

Almost finishing Glee Season 2.. the waiting is frustrating...

Cougar Town is not as disillusioning as it seems.. it's pretty funny.

.. hm What else? I think I should go check the latest ANTM again.

Dah OK.. kot

2011-05-04T19:37:00.003-07:00

One chat with JP sets me to rights again.

Plus, an onslaught of invites to macam-macam events.
And the Guaguanco workshop held last Monday.

so, for now, I'm ok and I've started to sleep normally again (ok baru 2 malam).

Bikini Pool Party

2011-04-30T10:29:00.001-07:00

1. Thanks bootcamp. Not perfect yet but.. well, things kinda looked alright.

2. Invest in a good bikini. Thank you Victoria Secret.

3. Have a loose shirt or top ready just in case you need to cover up.

4. Just have fun and forget about body issues.

.. I had a great time :)

2011-04-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered if your possessions and earthly business were in order, in the event that your family had to undertake the stuff that you left behind?

I do. It's just I've never really had the energy to put my things together. Most of the important things are filed away.. but I don't even have insurance to compensate my parents in case of my death. Kesian betul.

Passion: let me not beg for the stilling of my pain

2011-04-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not look for allies in life’s battlefield,
but to my own strength.

Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.

Grant that I may not be a coward,
feeling Your mercy in my success alone;

But let me find the grasp of Your hand in my failure.”

by Rabindranath Tagore

from Paulo Coelho's blog

Once again, I am further humbled. I understand, but well.. self pity is addictive. *gives hard slap to face*

Batwoman

2011-04-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

I told Encik American that I am still hiding in my cave.
Dia terpaksa wave goodbye kepada saya.

Being covered in guano in this cave might not be so bad, do you think?
I'm not so sure, to be honest.

Passover: enduring sufferings

2011-04-21T05:48:00.000-07:00

The accompanying guards kept shouting at us and driving us with the butts of their rifles.

Hardly a word was spoken; the icy wind did not encourage talk. Hiding his mouth behind his upturned collar, the man marching next to me whispered suddenly:

“If our wives could see us now! I do hope they are better off in their camps and don’t know what is happening to us.”

That brought thoughts of my own wife to mind.

And as we stumbled on for miles, slipping on icy spots, supporting each other time and again, dragging one another up and onward, nothing was said, but we both knew: each of us was thinking of his wife.

Occasionally I looked at the sky. But my mind clung to my wife’s image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness.
I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look.
Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise.

A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers.

The truth that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.

Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.

I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.

In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way -an honorable way…

…in such a position a man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment.

by Viktor Frankl

(taken from Paulo Coelho's blog)

So humbled am I by this article - many times I had proclaimed I did not anymore see the point of relationships and love. Thank you for making me understand how it works for others, yet for myself.. I still cannot comprehend love and abuse of love. I really, really cannot associate my romantic love with salvation, instead only pain and suffering comes to mind.

Entahla

2011-04-19T05:19:00.000-07:00

Dengan tidak semena-mena, lelaki Switzerland tiba-tiba menghantar mesej melalui inbox Facebook.

Hi,

When do you join me in Switzerland ?

Aku tidak membalas kerana kaget dan otak aku tidak dapat memproses tindakannya.

Sekian, update minggu ini.

The Hidden Heart

2011-04-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

Tonight, by chance, I happened to be listening to this song.

And then, suddenly my heart spoke. For you.

Love.

In the dry desert of this heart
I felt an oasis
A lake of love
Rise

This heart
It uttered your name
Wished you well
Cared not for who you are
Who you choose to be

.. and with that, I let go. Let this love rise to the skies. Let it spread wide.

In that brief moment, I think I was just introduced to a few seconds of unconditional love.

I am just.. Boring Me

2011-04-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

In anger, I wrote some stuff and only a few minutes after, feel really bad about it. Life is life, and life goes on, I really can't blame people for what I allowed to happen to me. I can't blame God for letting hurt happen to me, for I acknowledge it is part and parcel of my learning experiences.

But I am human and I have many flaws, I will still feel emotions such as anger, or malice.. and sometimes I may do foolish things.

The process for me to accept myself is a long and slow one. Sometimes I feel left behind because I am not those girls who keep up with the latest fashion in town, who are always at the trendiest spots and keep up with the latest gadgets. Sometimes I feel bad because I aspire to be calm, serene, forgiving and full of love.. yet I am far from it.

For now, I am like a lioness protecting myself. I am striving to NOT fulfill conventions and what people expect of me -- even simple things like keeping my hair straight and tidy - once I allowed my hair to grow it's curly mane I think it looked absolutely gorgeous. Of course, there are people who still live by the Teknik Rebonding thing.. and criticize me for it.. and it still hurts me. But this time, instead of slinking away.. I actually tell them off for not respecting my choices and that I do not present myself to please them, but rather to please myself.

However, the ideal option would be to just keep quiet and still not feel bad about myself.. but I guess this is still a transition process and yes I am still affected by people's opinion about me.

I've actually stopped going out partying - I only attend parties by close friends untuk jaga hati mereka. I've stopped chasing the feeling of being the party girl and being out and about. That was all superficial. I DO miss those times though, but I think I've started to recognize more meaningful things in my life right now that I would rather pursue.. such as that painting class. I really love it.

In summary, I am starting to let my inner self come out.. and try to live in my most natural state. (Not sure if that involves letting my armpit hair grow wild or not lol.. for the moment not yet :P) That means having opinions that might go against the grain .. this is quite a problem for Malaysian esp Malay folk. My ex would get really mad at me for the way I expressed myself.. though I may be at fault (yela bila kita buat salah bukan kita sedar kan), it did hurt me very much. Other things that I pursue is just doing whatever I want and not feeling bad at not measuring up to public expectation.. contohnya:

1. I must know what I want in life and strive be it.
- No I still don't know what I want in life but I am happy with ALL of the things that I am doing right now.

2. Travelling alone
- SOOO many people think I'm weird for travelling alone, and going backpacking and such. Katanya takde kerja lebih baik nak buat. Well.. I seek to create and learn from my own experiences, that's all I can say.

Stuff like that la.. a lot of conventional stuff like the way we dress, the way we communicate, the way we think.. sometimes it really hurts not being able to FIT IN tapi how can I deny my natural self from being what it is? Why should I try to fit in a round hole if I am a square peg? Whyyyy?

So while in my heart, I love and miss the past that I had with him.. I really and truly understand that I am not the type of girl that is for him. I know what type he wants, and no, I cannot fit into what are his expectations. And rather to change myself to try to please him, I really MUST be in my natural state - be who I am - and attract into my life a partner who wants the type of girl that I am. In this case it is a win-win situation and no one loses.

I can be vicious but when I am lucid - I do wish happiness for all mankind, including those that have hurt me.

Dance forever

2011-04-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

You know, I have been reading back on my posts about Salsa Cubana.
I think, it is wrongful of me to say what is real, and what is NOT real when I compare LA Salsa and Cuban Salsa.
Still, if you had nasi lemak in Malaysia and 'coconut rice' in New Jersey, each might have it's own flavour but you would have to appreciate or at least give tribute to the origins, kot?

Entahla.

Well, why do I say Salsa Cubana is the real deal, when it's kind of obvious LA Salsa is flashier and prettier? Whatever my views here are based on my own experiences and feelings, I cannot speak for other members of the Salsa community and I guess, eventhough my comment might be offensive to the LA stylers.. but I speak from what I feel for MY dancing. I have to say some of my friends dance an awesome, inspiring LA style of Salsa.. such as my friend Pip and my teacher Jeamie. So if I say it's the real deal.. well i guess it holds true ONLY for me.

But for me, when I dance Cuban style, certain songs and certain movements channel energies through my body and I am host to a myriad of emotions that I feel are from another era or another place. I cannot explain the feeling, but certain songs (and of course a good partner) will allow me to bring forth some inner force from inside of myself and I find every movement so meaningful - I know that such a move had a motive to it being created, although I don't quite understand what it is... yet.

And when the dynamics are aligned - I am surrounded by energies that make me feel I am transported in another persons body, in another place and time. I really don't know how to explain this feeling.

And thus, at times when I feel down (to be honest, the *male Cuban Salsa dancers are kind of crazy - no offense hehehehee).. and they sometimes make me feel like I will give up pursuing this passion.. all I need is one video that again sparks that quest.. I am searching and thirsting for something in the music and the dance.

Guaguanco (the video above) is a dance between man and woman.. that is not present in the LA style. It is spontaneous and interactive. This video might seem lewd but it is more of a playful interaction between man and woman through dancing... a contest of shrewdness I might say. This is not a choreographed dance.

Aku rasa korang tak paham apa aku cakap hahahahaha...
yang penting, aku sangat dahagakan advancement of my Cuban Salsa.. that I do not know where to pursue. Jadi, travel partner aku Mila pun dah bising-bising mengajak aku travelling lagi, I think it's time to really consider that trip to Cuba. (Argh, still rasa tak mampu ..sedih)

*crazy male Cuban Salsa Dancer (click to see my experience with them):
1. The Swiss guy yang marah-marah aku
2. Lelaki pemaki yang tidak matang
3. Beberapa orang lain lagi kurang prominen dalam hidup aku tapi gatal/emo/tukang bawa mulut dsb

At both ends

2011-04-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, the guy I was supposed to blind date with ended up being majorly pissed off with me. This was because we were supposed to meet up at a party and if everything goes fine, get to know each other and go out and finally end up getting married.

However, all was not a bed of roses as I did not feel anything for him at all, plus I was majorly tired as I just came back from Langkawi, and therefore was merely courteous to him but nothing more than that.

I ended up having my entire weekend dimarahi oleh mamat dari Switzerland itu kerana beliau sudah memasang angan-angan malam itu aku akan tidur di biliknya dan kemudian terus kawin dgn dia dan pulang ke Geneva dan live happily ever after dengan dia. Apabila pelamin angannya musah, beliau pun bertukar personality... accusing me of many things, from being a liar to a hypocrite, and I ended up in tears for most of the weekend from guilt and stress kena marah-marah macam tu. Nak ignore tak boleh cause aku rasa macam rude + kesian pulak kat orang yang frust dan datang dari jauh tu kan. Yang kelakarnya we did not even have a conversation, I left, and the next thing I knew.. he started accusing me via chat about how I am making his life miserable. OK fine, I'm such a weakling that I even endure it, tapi aku kesian kat dia!!

The following Monday tu pulak, I sent a message to a guy I used to date, to ask permission to post his video in an FB group. Our 'dating' thing didn't end nicely because he was secretive and was not willing to commit - however he was the one holding a grudge on me for not keeping the dating a secret. Dendam kesumat ok. Dahla he eventually broke my heart dengan terang-terangan left me just like that and courting another girl right in front of me.. sakit hati gila! Tapi, apsal aku yang ok, dia yang tak ok nih???

Perkara ini telah pun berlalu about 2 tahun yang lalu, aku ingat dia dah neutral lah kan. Sangkaan ku meleset kerana aku dimaki maki dan dibuka cerita lama yang aku pun malas nak ingat dah. Kerana malas nak bergaduh aku hanya berdiam diri. Tanya dengan polite pasal video, tapi kena balas dengan maki-makian. Bengang, sakit hati, memaki dalam hati, dan macam-macam lah perasaan cibai bergelora di dada nih.

OnThursday, aku dapat tahu seorang lelaki yang aku suka (tapi tak nak masuk line sebab aku tau dia ada gf) rupanya dah break tapi dah going out with another girl pulak! Frustnya!!!!!

So... you can see how shitty this week was, and such a glaring example on how things can be when love goes wrong.

Tapi..
Friday, a friend managed to convince me to go out with this American guy. He has been after me for weeks-- his messages on the Internet went ignored, and I deliberately did not give my handphone number nor did I commit to meeting up with him. I met him at a traveller's gathering in Melaka, and I even got the Melaka group members to avoid giving him my contact details at all..

and yet, he was still persistent. My friend said keluar je lah, it's not like I'm gonna die or be asked to marry him on the spot!! Eh betul jugak kan..

So here I am, just back from my meeting with him. After 3 months of him persistently searching for me, when we did finally meet, I was impressed that he remembered things that I said during the gathering (mind you, it was 3 months ago, mungkin beliau ada super memory). That he remembered a lot of aspects about my personality, about my ancestry. Dahla masa gathering tu aku pakai selipar dan seluar kembang Laos aku tu... yang confirm ex aku mesti nak kutuk and macam rasa malu ada gf selebet dan tak jaga status macam aku kan..

So bila lelaki tu boleh describe the first time he saw me and what he felt at that time, details of our conversation and such.. I was thinking.. Haaaa??? Lelaki ni gila ke ape? Aku yang tak best ni dia suka?

Ada sikit pressure di sini. To be honest, there's nothing much that I can criticize about him and reject. Tapi aku rasa macam nak lari dan sembunyi dalam gua. Yet, logic tells me - terima lah lelaki yang memang betul-betul tunjuk dia nak kat kau. Daripada kau terkejar-kejar lelaki yang nak tak nak kat kau, tak committed, masih menerawang cari-cari awek lain dan sebagainya.

Betul ke? Entahla. I barely know him. Mat Salleh ni boleh percaya ke? What about fitting into each other's lives? Siapa yang nak migrate nanti, aku ke dia?

Amboi. Belum apa-apa lagi dah pikir macam-macam.

Yang penting, walaupun aku dah complain benci tinggal di rumah orang-orang tua nanti, tapi yang dalam kepala aku sekarang adalah -- kenapa kita ni semua kena hidup berpasang-pasang???? Aku single sampai mati tak boleh keee????????? Kenapa sometimes aku perlu rasa lonely tapi lepastu tak nak pun jumpa sapa-sapa????

Bercanda di tepian pantai

2011-04-01T02:53:00.000-07:00

I am back from Langkawi, where I coordinated a 4d3n training session for my client. It was a great event as I had located a very competent event manager who helped me coordinate the event, and he is a great person to know and I am a very happy client, who in turn had very happy clients too.

My happy clients were from various campuses of a local uni, where my company installed a telephone system to enable them to call each selected campuses for free (total of 14 campuses all through Malaysia). So we provide them training on how to handle the system, maintenance, troubleshooting etc. Well, actually it was just a glorified holiday from them, but I enjoyed getting to know them and seeing them very happy with what we offered.

Haha, talking about releasing and attracting love in my life, during the training people are already trying to matchmake me with this one guy. He's very cute but a bit short, but very charismatic (usually short people suffer from Napoleon complex whereby they try to appear larger than life and bully other people into submission. This guy really does have his own confidence and competence in his work.) Anyway I'm not sure lah him being able to accept me ---knowing how independent and eccentric I am, and me being kurang beradat at times. He's like so in control, very groomed and in the local uni environment.. .entahlah.

And how serendipitious there are other people trying to matchmake me to another two more guys. We'll see how things go lah ok, I'm still retarded in this relationship arena and not that confident about relationships and apprehensive about how much I will wreck it or resent it.

So anyway, it just made me laugh thinking at how things came together so quickly. One minute there were almost no single guys around (for almost a year!!) and now tiba-tiba jer kena matchmake to a few. LOL.

Ok, bye!

Limbo

2011-03-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

I am reading this book named "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I bought it two years ago, and have never finished the book.
This is my 4th attempt reading it - because every time I sit down to read it, I cry.

This book explains that everybody has their own love language:

Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts

... and I cry because every time, I realize that not only did I kill a man that I loved by being abusive in the relationship towards him, I also realized that I have never spoken to him using his primary love language, which was Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts.

.. and I cry when I read that a slap would be detrimental to any child, but would be devastating to a child whose primary language is Physical Touch.. I recall all the times in my childhood that I have smacked my second sister in my childish anger. Remorse....

It has been more than a year since my tears have flowed - not a single tear when a boyfriend broke up with me over the telephone, not even when I heard he immediately went out with a girl the weekend after.
Jana and JP had always been saying that I am suppressing my emotions and I guess, after my last session with Jana.. I am finally unlocking.

I am still in love with a man who died in 2008.

I still remember when we first met.
I remember him picking me up near my place and him driving up the Elevated highway, and I was telling him about myself, and asking general questions about him.

I remember being sick at a gas station and throwing up there, yet when I looked up he was looking at me with an expression of love. I remember parking at a wrong spot near his condo and him hurrying to meet me in his purple shirt, all out of breath. I remember our first date, where he was probably nervous and speared at his hamburger with a fork, and it fell to the floor - embarrassing situation but I laughed freely and he lightened up. I remember walking with him at the Curve, browsing in Ikea, having our meal in the cafeteria.
I remember going to Naili's with him and spending the whole night just talking, the two of us.. till the wee hours of the morning.

But you see, I killed him, and I have been paying the price ever since. I keep coming back to a man who looked like him, but who did not love me. I keep asking that man to shave his beard, and only now I realize it is because without the beard he looks exactly like the man who loved me.

Except, it will never be the same.

I punish myself further by being afraid to hurt any other man the way I hurt him, and never wanted to enter a relationship that was sincere. I chose men who would lie to me, who wouldn't be able to love me, because it was better that way than having a man who really loved me but end up being hurt by me.

That is why, I am not in a relationship, not dating, not flirting, not anything.
I am unable to move beyond this man, who I love, who does not exist in this world anymore,
and I am unable to endure any more punishment towards myself - my choosing of bad relationships.
And so, here I am.. in limbo.

For the first time, for over a year, I start to let my tears flow.
And yet, I know this is not unconditional love... because with unconditional love.. there should be no pain.

I mourn the man I lost, who I deliberately lost, in 2008.
He will never be here any more.

Vietnam Part 1

2011-03-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

I was a girl who had dreams of travelling.

I did dream of backpacking and wandering along the streets of little known wonders. Experiencing life in another way than the usual that I experienced.

But the idea seemed a bit scary.

Where was I to find the time to go? What about money? Safety? How in the world would I do it, really?!

That was until I frust bercinta dan nak membawa diri.
Well, there were other factors too, such as I had such a hugely crappy boss, that I also wanted to quit my job and didn't even feel like finding a new one, because I was so disheartened with him. I contacted an old schoolmate of mine from Sabah, who coincidentally was planning a trip (serendipity!) and she quickly convinced me to go.

Also, I figured I didn't owe anyone anything - I wasn't in a relationship which I had to take into account my boyfriend's larangans, and I wasn't planning a wedding that required me to save up.
Oh, and I just bought a house, so this was the perfect time to go before I was actually going to start paying for my installments once the house was completed.

So.

I quit my job, calculated my expenses, took a deep breath and went. But not without a lot of support from my circle of friends though Jana's group, and my friends from salsa. They were the only ones who wholeheartedly supported my plan and didn't think I was crazy.

Saigon

We arrived in Saigon at 8.30pm and read in our book that to save cost, just walk a few hundred meters off the airport and get some motorcycle taxis off the road. So we walked, and walked. My bag was feeling really heavy and I was getting sweaty.

We found two guys on motorbikes and they showed us with fingers to form the number "6". We were ecstatic because when we said 6000 dong? They nodded their heads. That was like equivalent to RM2 to take us to the backpacker road Pham Ngu Lau!

They drove and drove through the insanely packed streets. Motorcycles, cars, buses were everywhere, in every direction! It was insane!!! Yet, everyone somehow knew their places in the street and not once did we see an accident. Everyone always gave way to other motorists.

When we arrived, I gave 10,000 dong to the driver, which he refused. We were initially confused until a lady came to translate that we were charged 60,000 dong each! OMG!!!! that was so expensive, more expensive than taking a proper cab! Me and my friend were really pissed off but we paid, since we just arrived and it was night time already. No use to argue.

The next day we walked around the city, it was really hot but we were eager to explore. Besides, we only had one day before proceeding to the next city. There were a lot of food and we looked for food that looked like it did not have beef/pig/chicken in it. Finally, we decided on the popia above, where we saw there were only prawns in it. I took one and tasted it. Delicious.

My friend took a dish resembling Rojak... but after a while she pointed to a white object and exclaimed "what's this????" After asking around, we concluded it was pig's ear and so I gave her MY dish - whereby she discovered there was some of that in it too. HAHAHA.

We walked off and left. I was a bit pissed because at first I did say I wanted to go to some proper shops but she wanted street food and now we are still hungry and she is teasing me for having sampled the ears! grrr.

Notice the popia is spelt Bo Bia. Kewl!

This was Mila's dish. See that white stuff at the bottom. That's the pig ears.
The whole dish looks amazingly appetizing and refreshing, though. Too bad :(

We walked around town and it was getting really hot. But the carvings on the buildings were really niice!!!

Finally, we ate at a Halal Restarant near Hilton and sampled the Pho (Noodle Soup). It was really delivious and there were ulams to accompany the meal. However, one of the cili potong accompanying the dish.. OMG.. terpedas di dunia. Tak pernah makan cili besar yang sangat pedas mengalahkan cili api!!!

Delicious Pho

Ulams for the Pho

Slums on top of the building

Ships!

Mui Ne
Our next stop was Mui Ne. We bought this 'open ticket' where you buy just one ticket for this bus and it will take you to various destinations just with that one purchase of USD43. The journey took 2 hours to this sleepy and quiet beach town.

At our chalet (USD10 per night), we were greeted by barks of the resident dogs. Mila was almost going to cry and I was panicking myself. Really didn't know what to do with the growling kids, but I figured if things got ugly I was just gonna stomp the little things to death.

After a whole day there, though, I discovered the dogs quickly recognized who we were and they were actually really adorable!! Especially if you bribe them with biscuits.

The view at our chalet

Actually I was really bored as I was used to the city nightlife, and Mui Ne was really beautiful but really quiet!

He seemed to be the leader of the pack. So the ketot! Comey!

This is the Fairy Stream, where we walked the whole length of the river and turned back again. It was really pretty but the river was quite muddy.

After that, we went to the White Sand Dunes. It was a realllllllly hot day. Whew. And sand .. endless sand.. we really didn't know which way was which, and ten minutes in the hot hot sun was really something else. Literally frying you to death. The picture below is really a lie, we were really exhausted and not in a really good mood.

Yes, it was hot, but the view was oh so beautiful and eerie.
The wind blowing, the feeling of nothingness (all you see is sand and there was no sound, no birds, just the wind blowing noiselessly)

Upon arriving at the top Mila just plopped herself down and wouldn't get up.

I was a little tired myself but managed to appear cheery.

There was a beautiful lake nearby the Sand Dunes. This place was breathtaking and so serene. I loved the vibes here.. so cooling, mysterious and serene.

After the White Sand Dunes, we went to the Red Sand Dunes, which was just a bunch of red sand. Nothing really pretty here.. but the sunset was beautiful.

Back to the chalet were the two little pooches were patiently awaiting my coconut biscuits.

At night we had seafood which was so yummy. The price for the seafood was about RM30... which I felt was expensive because we just arrived and we were on budget. However, it is actually superduper cheap compared to our Malaysian prices.

We stayed in Mui Ne for 2 nights and then boarded the Sleeper bus using the Open Ticket. The bus comprises of beds suitable for long haul journeys... towards Dalat.

to be continued....

My First Painting

2011-03-20T03:04:00.000-07:00

My painting class is done for free by a friend of a friend. Dengan seboknya I minta nak join this class and yay, berjaya. JP and Jana (the people who do that releasing session) are learning to paint through Jana's bestfriend's brother. The bestfriend and the brother belong to this family or artisans, everyone in the family paints or designs furniture or something. I've met their father as well during a Workshop with Jana, and he is a very down to earth kind of guy.

Their house is OMFG cantikkkkkk dan classy dan menenangkan jiwa. Garden dia pun sangat cantik dan peaceful. It is very near to my house, but as usual, I was late and couldn't find the place nor could I locate the landmarks despite being familiar with it. However, somehow I managed to get my orientation right, and brought my now melting Red Velvet cake in... to be greeted by a very pretty and friendly Labrador. (at least I think it's a Lab). Nasib baik tak terkejut dan campak cake.

Once I settled in, I was told to draw a pomelo sitting in front of me. At first I found it quite hard, but after he explained concept of form, shadowing and details, it was quite easy and I finished a decent looking drawing in 5 minutes. He also just let us draw without any criticism, more like just letting us do our thing and letting us know what type of painter we were and where we might want to focus more on.

After that, we were introduced to a colour wheel and explained that blue + red = purple and stuff like that. Then we were asked to colour in the colour wheel and make the colours gradually blend into each other.

Nah lihat la colour wheen I tu. Sangat contrast dan tak fade into each other pun. Hehe.

After that he put a bird (ukiran punya) in front of us and asked to draw it. It was really hard as the bird had many colours and we had to experiment a lot with mixing the colours to match what was on the bird.

Initially I thought my bird looked very cacat but hey look! Tengok pun tau it's a bird kan? So kire decent la tuh. Hehe. Lain la kalo lukis parrot tapi orang ingat beruang ke, clown ke, khemah ke.

So there you go, my bird which I named Ernie. Everybody say hello to Ernie now.

My Red Velvet

2011-03-19T02:44:00.000-07:00

I made me own cake and it was super yummy!!

I brought it to my painting class and and everyone loved it. *super satisfied*
Also brought it to a Captain ball gathering of friends and it was well received (ok maybe semua orang lapar? But one girl kept taking one piece after another.. thank you sayangg.. )

Happynyer. Tak tau la buat lagi jadi ke tak macam ni.
(p.s Puji kek sendiri tapi nasib lah. Acknowledge own effort. Hehehe.)

I did make red velvet cupcakes somewhere around 2 years ago, but they were quite dry. This baby was very moist! I love it! Thanks Arrebreg for your constant updates on Red Velvet that made me want to try again, and sharing your recipe with me. Also for telling me about the lining paper using writing pad, that info alone took me fear of cakes away !! Sekarang boleh buat cake tanpa was-was.

Bootcamp

2011-03-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

Today I went for my fourth session of bootcamp. Walaupun aku sudah berjaya mempengaruhi Zana untuk lebih bersemangat dan bergoal.. tapi hari ni aku ada agak malas sikit. Tapi tidak mengapa! Ini adalah kerana saya seorang yang vain dan berjimat cermat. Maksudnya:

1) Saya ingin memakai bikini. Dan juga bellydance memakai costume tanpa terasa conscious apabila duduk di kerusi dan risau lemak-lemak perut yang berlipat. (Btw.. Bikini saya order dari bestfriend sudah sampaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.. YESZAHHH)
2) Saya sudah membayar yuran saya. Walaupun ianya murah, tetapi gila kau penat aku kerja tiba-tiba nak skip session? Duit tu kalau ambil balik (which tak boleh) dah boleh bagi kat mak.
3) Saya perlu mempelajari teknik-teknik senaman di sini supaya selepas ini boleh buat di rumah tanpa follow mereka lagi (ini ialah agak kejam.)

Hari ini Zana tidak follow saya kerana giginya sakit. Jadi saya sedikit hampa, tetapi menceriakan diri dengan kata-kata gatal kepada Zana iaitu entah-entah saya akan makan malam dengan Lelaki Comel A dan Lelaki Menarik B (LCA dan LMB).

Ok, back to bootcamp, the first time we went, we were divided into three groups. There were also three stations, and each group spent 10 minutes per station before going to the next station.

First Session (Tuesday)
1) Ab station
kitorang buat 3 jenis ab exercise, which is sit ups, monkey crunch and lupa yang satu lagi.

2) Arm Station
We did pushups, a variation of a pushup (something called spider apa tah) and grunts. This station was the hardes and all manners of grunts sighs and screams were heard. Hehe.

3) Leg Station
Squats, a variation of squat, and lunges.

Second Session (Thursday)
We were divided into 4 teams where we flipped huge tyres (by ourselves) to the other team. The receiving end then takes turn to flip tyre back to the other side and so on so forth. While waiting, teammates must do a series of exercises - lunges and squats.

Third session (Tuesday)
Benchmarking Day. This is a day to time our fitness levels.

Exercise A
One set consist of running the field up and down 4 times and then jump into pushups (10), grunts (10), and situps (15). THREE SETS TO BE COMPLETED and then raise hand and shout TIME! whereby our tempohmasa recorded is given to us. I recorded 9minutes 42 seconds.

Exercise B
Run around the field. Eight times. Blegh. I recorded 13 minutes 14 seconds.
Blegh.

Fourth Session (Thursday)
We were divided into two teams and were dibekalkan dengan "ammo" at our bases. Every team punya tugas adalah untuk mencuri ammo di base team lawan. So we had to crawl under some very low ropes macam askar sambil membawa "rifles", gunny sacks, sand bags or a big jug of water. Berat ok!!

Habis siku luka (tak banyak lah sangat - some guys scraped their knees bad! kesian), buat grunts di atas jalan tar (tak berapa best, tangan sakit ), dan baju penuhhh dgn lumpur. Sewaktu sesi berjalan, saya sudah memikirkan oh makanan! oh makanan!

Group saya hari ini (Team Alpha) kalah dua kali. Tapi tak apa.

Kerana selepas itu saya dinner bersama LCA dan LMB!!!!

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sudahla LCA adalah seorang gila travelling macam aku, dan LMB pun agak menarik cerita cerita dia.

ini yang aku nak pegi bootcamp hari hari ni. heheh.

Prayers for Japan

2011-03-16T01:03:00.001-07:00

Unconditional Love

2011-03-11T23:51:00.000-08:00

I went for a Releasing Session with Jana sometime around last week.
She introduced me to the concept of unconditional love, because I was still hurting on topics about love.

She explained to be the concepts of love and how it works.

Love doesn't hurt, will never hurt, cannot possibly hurt.
It is just not possible.

It's the closing of the heart that hurts.
It's losing something that you want that hurts.
It's panic and not having something to hold on to that hurts.

If only we could drink a magic potion!

Unconditional love is a type of love that asks absolutely nothing in return.
And it doesn't need to be given as a reward, for instance if your partner was attractive or good to you, that you would love them unconditionally.

It is a type of love that just comes forth from your soul, just loving another human being -
even if they don't love you back
even if they are ugly
even if they have left you
even if they do bad things
even if they do nothing for you

If you come from a space of love, the whole universe will align to give you love. There is nothing that can hurt you, when you are in the space of unconditional, true love.

I have yet to embody this, but thank you Jana for explaining about love. It has freed me from my mindset that losing love hurts. That I must resent somebody for withholding their love, or for using my love. Or that I must punish someone for not loving me, by hating them, or that I must not love someone who does not love me. Do you know where the resentment comes from?

Think about it, you resent someone for NOT loving you, because you do things for them in the hopes of them loving you, or loving you more. And when that does not happen, you become angry, hurt, or resentful. What about coming from a space of love and doing something without reason? Just because you love them, and that's all.

That means I am free to love Stranger unconditionally, though it is hard to differentiate between my preconceived notions about romantic love and unconditional love. Is it the same? Is it different? I do love another ex in that way (in the same way it is brotherly love) - but any romantic feelings I have for him have been long gone. I know it is kind of weird to love an ex like a brother, but that is how I feel for that person.
So in Strangers case, will I love him like a brother? Or what? I get confused now.

I can't do it yet, though, there are many feelings inside of me, numbness, anger, resentment, hopelessness, in regards to love, but I guess this session I had with Jana is a prelude to change.

Unconditional love. I'll work on it.
The answer will come.

FB

2011-03-06T22:23:00.000-08:00

I am starting to think FB is getting too cliché.

Either I am starting to want to start living like a hermit (actually, I already am), or I don't need that much attention to feel special and worthy.

I hope it is because of the latter.

Soon, either I am going to close it, or limit it to very close friends. Perhaps a second account for everyone else, which I plan to check every.. 4 months.
We don't need that much exposure, anyway. I guess our 5 minutes of fame in this world is almost up.

Painting Classes and the Law of Attraction

2011-03-04T22:28:00.000-08:00

I just got myself some free painting classes on Sunday! How cool is that?!

I do believe in the Law of Attraction, and I have sorted my life out by using Law of Attraction and Releasing.
I actually wrote down a list of things that I wanted in my life, such as asking for my cat to become 'normal' again, a great boss, wanting to have a clean house and a good housemate, and to get a partner that I wanted.

All of these things above were a big problem in my life back then.

My first releasing session was around August 2009.. and followed by a couple more around February 2010 and March 2010. And then I went backpacking, which I believe I did tremendous subconscious releasing as I came back with a much lighter heart.

And after that, a lot of things just fell into place.

Well, there were a few glitches like arguments about money with my housemate, and a few of my stuff gone missing after I came back from backpacking.. but I took it all in stride and didn't allow it to bother me much.

Here's what happened...

My cat was a moody and stressed, she licked herself bald for about 2 years, and was in the habit of pissing, vomitting or shitting in all the wrong places. She slowly changed and now is a healthy, well-behaved cat. Her fur is already growing back and right now I think she's already cute and fluffy, and a totally great cat to live with.

I have had problems with housemates as long as I can remember. 8 out of 10 housemates would be giving me major problems, such as threatening me, running off without paying rent, stealing stuff or just being plain dirty. I wrote down a list of a housemate that I would want to attract into my life. After my last tenant moved out *thankyouGod*, I stayed by myself and paying the huge rent all alone, because I needed space and peace. But soon after, I got a new housemate who is a lovely and sweet girl, who is tidy and pays her rent well ahead of time. It is awesome to have her in my life.

Jobs... I have a bad reputation of jobhopping. Back in April 2010, I quit my job and didn't even bother to look for a new one. I just figured I would go ahead backpacking and then see if I could find a job when I came back. Of course, I was very worried about this situation.. but out of the blue my cousin called me to ask if I would like a job, and gave me the contact of my current boss. With one interview, I got the job.. and guess what.. the company is even walking distance to my house. Best tak? Best takkkkk?

About my boss pulak, I love working with him. He is not a control freak, and he leaves most of the problem solving to me and is happy with my work. He is so laidback and I don't feel like I want to leave this job at all! I love it. The job is not really my true passion but for the moment, I am really happy with it and don't feel restless like I used to. I enjoy my clients and am able to handle the tasks or problems that come my way.

I got over my anger against a guy who acted like a retard, and I was able to empathise with his new gf who somehow feels insecure around me and hates me eventhough I am not even in contact with her bf. However, eventhough she waged war against me, I did not react at all and silently prayed that the retard will give her a happy ending.. (though sometimes I did wish that reality would give a knock to her head, knowing how retards will only give unhappiness to their parters). Anyway, that's how much Releasing changed me, from being a hardcore warlock to being just a normal person who prefers peace in her life and others.

Only partner wise.. I still got problems lah. Well, actually, if you look at it from another point of view, it's not a problem, because I have not been in a hurtful relationship since I broke up. And I am not dating any guy that fit in the 'problematic' category. But I haven't been able to 'attract myself' into a relationship with any guy.. it's like I have become emotionless for anyone and hence can't be able to care enough about a guy to be able to do that.

I guess I will need to Release a lot more on relationship before I can put my Law of Attraction to good effect.

What is Releasing?
http://www.awakenthroughreleasing.com/
My friend JP and Jana are doing it in Malaysia, and I have been to their workshops (even when I have my basics covered, I still go to their basic workshops just to re-energize and being around +ve people just have a profound calming effect on me). I have also been to their teachers workshop and releasing sessions. (The teachers are called Heiko & Selina).

What is Law of Attraction?
You can just google up the concept or read The Secret or The Law of Attraction book.

Tak boleh sembahyang je ke?
Boleh. In fact I do visit a particular ustaz from time to time and he teaches me meditation using surah-surah from Al-Quran as well. By learning Releasing or Law of Attraction, it's just having a variety of knowledge for you to use.

For example, some say solat is the best form of exercise. Yet many Muslim people are in the habit of martial arts (kungfu, capoeira, taekwondo) or jogging, or weight-lifting. Whatever that works best for you and you can combine many things together. Whatever it is, trust that Allah will guide you in the right way. Sometimes we need other methods to help us get back to the 'true ways', such as doing exercise might help you do solat for even longer periods. Just an example lah.

Oklah, penat dah berceramah, yang penting sekarang aku boleh start on a new hobby. Yay!! :)

I dream of.....

2011-03-01T08:47:00.000-08:00

I did not celebrate New Year's Eve 2011. Planned to stay in and play games on my computer, in fact. But I was booked for a show, and so I went. I have started doing couple dance solos now (that means not dancing in a group, just me and a partber), but I'm still not that smooth and creative as I would like to be.

Aku rasa tak best malam itu, kerana aku jadi entertainer for the night. That means urging people to clap hands and enjoy themselves, and walking around like some Hooters chick (minus the tetek :p) parading the dress and bod. Tolong countdownkan ke 2011. It was a new experience, menjadi entertainer in that sense. But, I did not enjoy myself being a the girl in the sexy dress with the makeup and the attention......

I want something else. My ultimate dream would be to perform at Istana Budaya, or KLPAC, or Rainforest (er, ada ke menari menari kat Rainforest pon??? hahaha). And how do I align myself to get there? Hmm.

I dream to perform to share to the crowd. To tell stories from my movements and interpretation of the music. To send energies to the crowd, tell them everyone of us has our own stories of sorrows and happiness. Oi apa poetic sangat nih. LOL.

I guess my energies/vibes are not ready yet...hence not being able to progress to that level. As for now I have just started to do more practice on my own to strengthen certain body muscles (we call it isolation) to give more definition or impact when we move and dance. The belly dancing practicing helps, too! I have been lagging on meditation or self awareness.. blegh.. will have to pick that up jugak.

My dream of a cultural center in my kampung is also still there.. I just don't know when I'll put the wheels in motion. A lot of things to study, from the social impact to the kids or teens that I will train, to other tourism factors that I need exposure on. We see how lah kan, hopefully it'll come sooner to benefit the people, rather than later. And I need to learn to be more courageous to accept responsibility and be motivated to drive my own projects. Will work on that.

What else do I want to do? Hmm... so many. I want to learn to paint.. and also sing and write songs. Adakah saya mempunyai bakat untuk berbuat sedemikian... is there enough time, even? I trust all will be in good time, and there is God's plan to me.

Last sekali...... saya terfikir. Ada ke lelaki yang bepekertimulia yang nak kahwin dengan orang macam saya ni? Mesti dia tak suka awek/wife dia perform-perform bagai ni kan. Kalau yang tak kisah pula, saya pun meragui lelaki yang open pasal hal macam tu.. adakah dia boleh menjadi pasangan yang baik bagi saya. Mak kata cari jekla Mat Salleh.. they are more open to things like this and more open to accept a girl with a personality like mine (adakah mak saya sudah pasrah saya ini direject oleh lelaki Melayu???? hahaha).

Thing is, aku yang tak taste dengan white meat nih. Sigh. Saya juga pasrah tidak akan berjumpa pasangan hidup, but then who knows.. a year from now I might already be selecting my wedding dress kan? Whatever lah. Malas nak pikirrrr.

Makanan sihat untuk gaya hidup malas

2011-02-28T02:36:00.000-08:00

Rice coooker Steamed Tofu
(maaf, masa keluarkan tu dia terpecah pulak. Sebelum2 ni aku buat tak pecah *defensive)

Bahan-bahan:
Bawang merah dihiris nipis
Tauhu lembik
Oyster sauce

Cara-cara memasak:
1. Cari steamer. In my case, aku pakai ricecooker, put the tauhu on a saucer.
2. Put mug in ricecooker. Fill ricecooker with water (about 1/8th)
3. Put saucer on top of mug.
4. Put some oyster sauce on top of tauhu.
5. Press 'Cook' button on ricecooker.
6. Wait until tauhu very panas.
7. Fry shallots at low temperature in oil.
8. Angkat tauhu, drain excess water around saucer, and tabur fried shallots on top.

Salmon masak Broccoli
Bahan-bahan:
Shallots
Garlic
Garam secukup rasa
Minyak secukup tumis
Broccoli
Salmon (or ayam, or daging, or bilis, or whatever)
Oyster Sauce

Cara-cara memasak:
1. Tumis bawang bersama minyak di dalam kuali.
2. Tuangkan salmon (or equivalent).
3. Tabur garam secukup rasa.
4. Masukkan broccoli dan oyster sauce dan sedikit air.
5. Tunggu sebentar sehingga broccoli masak.
6. Angkat dan hidang. Dan makan.

New Hobby

2011-02-27T10:46:00.000-08:00

I've taken up a new hobby.

Walaupun I don't think I would like to go around doing performance (maybe for cultural purpose but not for perform kat restoran yang semua lelaki air liur meleleh nak tengok)..

Walaupun I have thick ankles that I don't think will look good especially when wearing the costume...

And those big thighs....

And travel $$ needed to be put aside..

Perhaps even missing a few classes per month due to my travelling..

I'm still gonna do it. Pay for the monthly fees. Practice. Learn.
I feel a strong connection with my body when I'm doing this. I just feel so in control.

I'd like to see where this leads to.

Happy dancing..! :)

All Set for 2011.. and a bit of 2012

2011-02-25T10:37:00.000-08:00

Something in my heart had always yearned for travel. That was way back in 2009, when I started to let my inner traveler soul come out to the surface, and I would often get very angry at my partner who would not commit to any date (to be fair, kenapakah perlu berkerjasama dengan gf yang suka suka je nak ajak travelling pegi mana mana tah), or crestfallen with gfs who want to travel but were slightly high-budget.

That is, until I met Mila, an old childhood friend whom I contacted because I just needed to "get away from it all", and she introduced me to the joys of backpacking.

Since then, I have learnt that I don't need to depend on having company to pre-plan a trip.
All you need to do is just go, and keep an open heart.
Many good things will happen, when you put out your intentions to the universe, asking for knowledge, experience, with love and humility.

Apasal nak marah-marah kat boyfriend lagi? Sudah tidak perlu lagiiiiiiiiiiii. Stress kawan nak book hotel mahal? Juga tidak perlu risau risau ya tuan tuan dan puan puan.

Bali

Bandung

Bali lagi

Manila

Phuket

Yangon

I think I got a little carried away with the Airasia promotion happening last week.

Eventhough my newly completed house will be gobbling up my money during the later part of this year, I will keep an open heart that money will literally fall down from the sky for me to use for my travels.

And yay! I secured at least 8 flights back to Kota Kinabalu ... the first one starting next week :D

Ya Allah, this is a request.. a humble request from your small (but curious and travelthirsty) servant. I'd like to request to open pathways for me to be able to achieve this, while not having to make any sacrifice in money, career, relationship, safety, or any other things. I wish for safe and awesome trips.

I wish to achieve more knowledge, love, experience, lessons, clarity and peace through these journeys.

I've booked 6 trips.. and will be travelling alone on 4 trips. The other 2 will be with Yanti, who thankfully said Yes without a moment's hesitation. Menyenangkan 'pembook' seperti aku.

Weehoo! Kenapalah aku pergi menimbulkan stress dalam relationship aku. Kalau aku just do it dari dulu lagi kan senang?! Thankfully, my world has opened up :)

Lagi best.. 14 trips (incl to KK).. at RM1,400.

~~Hello, world~~ Hello, South East Asia

Passings

2011-02-21T09:06:00.001-08:00

I will forgive,
and forgive,
and forgive,
and forgive,
and forgive
you

One day
I hope
I can forgive myself
too

Soalan yang agak aku benci

2011-02-16T08:57:00.000-08:00

Dulu saya ada seorang besfren. Setiap malam Jumaat dan malam Sabtu kami akan berjumpa. Pergi beronggeng.
Without fail. Sampailah suatu masa saya berubah menjadi old maid secara tiba-tiba dan hanya nak melekap duduk kat rumah. Dari saat itulah bermulanya renggangnya persahabatan kami. Dia pun terpaksa cari bestfriend baru supaya dia still boleh keluar malam-malam minggu beriadah.

But still, we contacted each other through YM almost every day lah jugak. And then, one fine day, she met someone.. and got married, changed jobs and was offline for a while. I pulak stuck in my house all the time with nothing to do except play with my cat, housecleaning, watching downloaded movies or series, and exercise.

Still, I came to the nikah and wedding, lagi kelakar a portrait of me and her was enlarged by the photographer and was even bigger than the picture with her and husband. Haha lawak je. Nampakla masih ada chemistry antara kami tu kan.

And then, she got pregnant. Itupun aku tau dari FB status dia. Aku tak kisah pun, sebab aku kan dah tak contact dia sangat. Tumpang gembira lah kan. We managed to catch up a few times on YM until she asked me this question:

So, kau bila nak kawin?

Aku pun jawabla dengan style sinis aku, which is only reserved for that question and people who don't seem to understand that kalau aku nak kawin for sure la aku kecoh satu Malaysia and for sure la aku bagitau dia. Tak payah la tanya aku soalan yang menyakitkan ati tu, dan ko sendiri dulu pun bengang bila orang tanya ko camtu, apsal skarang ko buat aku macam tu.

Nampaknya, aku terpaksa join singles club sahaja la lepas ni. My bestfriend, I love you lots. But I wish you understand me more, and I guess we are at different stages in our life. Nanti bila I dah catch up I contact you balik ye. Memang ni bunyi macam merajuk, memang pun merajuk sikit, tapi kalau baru 5 bulan kawin dah tanya soalan macam ni, saya rasa memang banyak lagi soalan membakar otak yang akan datang selepas ni.

Goddamn, Momoe dah jadi bestfriend aku. Adakah aku akan jadi lonely cat lady lepas nih?

I feel very clever today

2011-02-08T22:11:00.000-08:00

everything else (pain, hardship, regret, sadness, loneliness, hate, guilt etc) is secondary to your truth

once you find it, your soul will see why things happened the way it did

get back to your original mission
finding your truth

and a good indication when you are starting or have found your truth is joy

joy isn't the truth, it's just an indication
your truth is something so big and so profound that no one can explain
only experience it

and the only indicators are joy, peace, love, and happiness

Squid Yoghurt Chowder

2011-02-03T20:48:00.000-08:00

Today I felt like eating something fancy but there was practically nothing in my fridge except for some squid, salmon and marinated chicken wings. And yoghurt. Carrots and a brinjal. Since I have had salmon sashimi and then fried salmon for the last two days, let's rule out Salmon.

So I decided to use what I had.. and hey presto!!

Well, this was how it almost looked.. because it was kinda good and I was hungry and I ate it straight away. Very simple to make, too!

Ingredients:
Shell pasta (to hold in the sauce)
Squid
Salt
Yoghurt
Half a small Carrot - chopped
Black pepper
Basil
Garlic - 2 pcs
Oil

Instructions:
Prep: Boil pasta and drain when it's cooked.

1. Add a teaspoon of oil to the pan.
2. Remove skin from garlic and just thwack it using your knife (no need to chop).
3. Sautee/Brown the garlic in the pan.
4. Add in some water (about 1/3 of a cup).
5. Add in two heaping tablespoons of yoghurt.
6. Dump in the squid.
7. Dump in the carrot slices.
8. Add half a teaspoon of salt (for normal dishes quarter or less of salt is ok, in this case it's needed to combat the sour taste of yoghurt as well as add to flavour).
9. Put in a dash of basil.
10. Add a pinch of black pepper.
11. Pour on top of the pasta.

Bring to boil and voila! you're done!!

You can add a dash of lemon if you want, or some spring onions for freshness and an Asian feel to it.

Wedding Dress

2011-01-27T01:24:00.000-08:00

Taking a look of that dress on Ninie's blog, I couldn't help but want to post it here, just so that I won't forget.

(Sorry Ninie, I uploaded it directly to my blog, hope you won't mind )

I have a love for toga dresses and draping stuff, sorta like grecian. The one on the left would be an inspiration for my wedding dress. Yes, yes. It would be deep cream almost gold-like. I'd like the band on the left shoulder to be narrower. Ok, that's all.

I've been travelling a lot and even met some Couchsurfers. Some scary days, some tiring days, and some fantastic days. Will blog about it soon. Ok, I'm off to prepare for my trip tomorrow and hopefully be able to mop the house, do my laundry, bathe the cat, and pack for Kuching.

6 Dec 2010

2011-01-06T08:33:00.000-08:00

I turned 30 last year.

One of those moments in life, when you pause and look back, and ask yourself, am I where I want to be?

Those moments where you dread growing old and taking on more responsibilities, doing adult stuff and become boring and wrinkly.

You feel depressed as you kiss your 20s away and now you're no longer a girl, but a lady. Can't even act all girly cutey and bimbo-ey anymore.

I avoided turning 30 by hiding my birthdate in FB. Gila denial kan, tapi macam bijak jugakla. Takde orang wish aku. Best gila. Lagipun benci gila all those annoying birthday wishes from people yang takde la rapat sangat then they wish you those generic birthday greetings. Bosan gila.

For a lil while I could still pretend I was in my 20s. Thought I could wish it away, and people would forget.

But, much much much to my surprise all my close girlfriends smsed me to wish me on my day. One called in from the States, even. One was in her confinement period with no FB access. One was in her hometown with no Internet access for the past 3 months. Yet another was in a very difficult time but she remembered to wish me and even thank me for my support.

How blessed am I to be surrounded by so much love and support... and I did not feel lonely, loserly or loser-single-ly at all on my birthday. God, I am so humbled and will remind myself this whenever I feel like giving up my time on this Earth.

2010: Closing cycles

2010-12-31T21:28:00.000-08:00

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

SOURCE:

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/12/31/closing-cycles-eng-espa-port/

I think I should get on deleting a whole lot of pictures! I've thrown a lot of souvenirs and gifts away. It is time, after all. Oh wait, I think I would like to wait until 25th Jan as it holds a certain meaning for me, just to be more dramatic. LOL.

Turkey

2010-12-30T19:30:00.000-08:00

YEAH! Finally had my turkey... *hearts*

Total cost for this baby was RM140. Lagi pandai aku pegi beli kat Tesco tapi parking kat Cineleisure. Macam bibik ok jalan kaki bawak 5kg turkey all through the C.urve and then to Cineleisure bringing other grocery stuff too ( and it also attacked my thumb.. frozen turkeys can be vicious).

Money well spent considering it was a night shared with a lot of good friends who always surround me with a lot of support and happiness. Oh turkey aku cinta.

There was also my brownies that were finished that night, and apple crumble pie, and many other foods.. and we ended it with general merry making. Wheee~

Cardio at Home (for lazy people like me)

2010-12-29T07:42:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to do cardio exercises (which is jogging je lah) but to no avail.

1. Hujan
2. Gym leceh - nak kena mintak ngan guard, naik turun lift, sometimes ada orang guna treadmill sebab kat condo aku ni ada satu je
3. Treadmill rosak
4. Nak lari kat park lepas office hours leceh, nanti jam pulak masa nak balik
5. Nak lari kat area perumahan depan condo aku, takut
6. Nak lari kat park during weekends, MALAS

OK. Banyak kan alasan? I'm sure you guys always have the same reasons kan?

Until I started researching on doing cardio at home, and found this regime:

1. Jumping jacks
2. Squat pushup jumps
3. Power lunge

Alright, my cardio consists of 15-20 minutes, 2-3 times a week. That's all. Nothing more and nothing less.
So the above I do 2 minutes each set and repeat until I achieve AT LEAST 16 minutes.

Jumping Jacks

Squat Pushup Jumps

Power Lunges

Squat pushups is a motherfucker to do!!! At first I didn't do the pushups but slowly I started to build it in. Now I've been doing it for 2-3 weeks and can do 5 pushups in one go (hello, for someone who can't do pushups at all this is a feat ok). I can do that the squat pushup continuously for 10 times before taking a breather and immediately continuing another 10 times. Then look at the timer and take a breather and continue another 5 times. The 2 minutes should be up by then haha.

However, my legs are amazingly toned due to this set. They still could do better but I'm already loving the results!!!!

I used to jog and my legs lost the cellulite although my thighs are huge and flabby. I skipped jogging for one year (but did dancing) and the cellulite is still not showing, but my legs were losing that toned look. After doing this set, I'm loving my legs, my front thighs have some shape.

And my superjiggly inner thighs that would never go away has started to jiggle less. Although, they are still jiggly, I am happy that there is some reduction.

So there you go girls, I hope you benefit from this. Each time you feel like giving up, keep a poster or a vision of a toned body in your head and absolutely know that you can achieve it with discipline and perserverence (remimder to myself as well, I haven't done any cardio this week).

Good luck ;)

Contoh gadis berkaki besar

Well I wouldn't say my legs are amazingly toned IN CONTRAST with other people, but being a girl with huge thighs and betis and ankles, I am just happy I still am able to wear a short dress! Phew.

Above all, cardio is good for your cardiovascular health, and physical beauty is just one of the benefits you gain from it.

Again, wishing you girls out there success.

Baking

2010-12-28T09:46:00.000-08:00

Sungguh saya tak sangka saya rajin sebegini. Saya tak sedar pula saya ni baking setahun sekali, tahun lepas buat cupcakes and gingerbread men during Christmas. Yang mana saya poyo marah housemate saya makan cookies tu sebab dah simpan utk bagi orang. Kesian dia.

Ini terlalu sedap. Dan terlalu senang nak buat. Serius.

Brownie yang chewy. Tapi susah sikit nak buat, balik-balik dry kat atas and moist kat bawah.
So aku cheat. lepas aku bake aku buat another topping and put on top of it then bake again, so brownie tu moist atas dan bawah.
Tak reti pulak nak buat fudge topping tu.

Apple Muffin yang aku tak rasa lagi. Maybe tak sedap. Selalu bila campur puree fruits dia jadi berat.
So far yang aku buat la.

Adik aku buat brownie yang jadi lumpy dan penuh dengan gula terbakar. Tapi habis juga dimakan oleh kawan-kawan dia kat uni. Kesian budak-budak tu, lapar sangat kot.

Batter for apple muffin

Second batch brownie adik aku, aku yang supervise dia buat. Hasilnya lagi cantik mengalahkan aku punya pulak!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year y'all!

I think I need to make a list of new resolutions.

Pancakes = Kegembiraan

2010-12-17T22:30:00.000-08:00

I've always had a thing for pancakes. However, I've always thought they were too hard to make. Tried to make some circa 2005 but they were not fluffy and tasted like blegh. So we always bought the premix pancake, tinggal tambah air or susu and masak kat pan.

Tapi, kini tidak lagi!

I found this recipe, though it requires some patience, it's really easy to make and yields darn fluffy pancakes! CINTA~

The first time I made it, I poured the batter a bit too thinly so it was still a bit flat in the middle, though fluffy at the edges. The second time around, I put in a pinch more of the required baking soda and let it sit for more than the required 30 minutes. I just used a kuali (wok) to make mini pancakes, and poured the batter a lil more thickly.

Hey presto! Fluffy, praiseworthy pancakes! Hatiku penuh bunga-bunga cinta terhadap effort sendiri. hahah.

PANCAKE RECIPE

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon white sugar
1 1/4 cups milk
1 egg
3 tablespoons oil or melted butter

Directions

In a large bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar. Make a well in the center and pour in the milk, egg and melted butter; mix until smooth.
Let batter sit for at least 30 minutes.
Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake.
Wait until bubbles form on the batter before turning over. Brown on both sides and serve hot with butter and choice of fruit, maple syrup or jam.

Bali Trip - Day 3 & 4

2010-12-02T06:57:00.000-08:00

HaHa ! I never actually got around to finish my entry on Bali last year Nov 2009.
A series of events just made me remember all this again, so here I am sharing my experiences in Bali. To be honest I was very melancholic on this trip but nonetheless Bali is really a beautiful and relaxing place to be in.

They play their traditional music everywhere, which is very soothing and musical to the ears. Also you can see their worshipping place all over, which means they are religious and I think that it is a good thing, that people still pay respect to their religion so faithfully.

Ni kawan Stranger honeymoon.. baru kahwin.. comel je

Alolo sweet kan gambar kami. Tapi ini tipu semata mata haha.

Then we went to Uluwatu to see the Kecak Dance. There were a lot of monkeys here and they were very naughty!!!! Hence no pictures as I was afraid my camera would be snatched by the monkeys. One monkey came to me and snatched my hairband. Yet another came to me being very aggressive while I was quietly sitting on a rock. Eyy hempuk monyet ni kang. Nasib baik ramai.

After that we went to see the Kecak Dance. It's a very nice dance, acapella like with many tones of voices. Also they know how to interact with the audience, some characters will come and surprise the audience. Quite entertaining jugak, but even then the singing itself is really nice already!

Kecak kecak kecak cak cak kecak kecak

At night we went to Jimbaran Bay, it was so beautiful!! Lots of tables were set up on the beach with candles, with the breeze blowing and the sound of the waves crashing. Simply awesome. Watching the sun set from this place is amazing... I felt like I wanted to get up and dance to the sounds of the people playing guitar there.

the honeymoon couple again

Day 4: Karma Kandara, Jimbaran

Stranger bought some vacation package and we got vouchers to this luxury hotel in Jimbaran. To be honest, at first Bali didn't live up to my expectations as I had grown up reading about Hollywood stars (mick Jagger kan?) holding their weddings in Bali. It must surely be such a beautiful place to be in. But when I arrived, it just seemed like a cross between Langkawi and Changkat Bukit Bintang, with music and temples thrown in. It was a nice place, but just not that amazing.

That was until I came to Karma Kandara.

one word.. WOWWWWWWW....!!!!!

Sebelum tu, tengok dulu gambar I before leaving for Karma Kandara. Wah kurusnya aku masa ni. Cibai. Sekarang gemuk giler.

The place looked like the villa at Mamma Mia movie. Cantik dan banyak batu putih. Upon arrival, we were served lemongrass water and some biscuits. There were also some essential oils that we could dab on which smelled sweet, but I forgot what kind of oils they were.

They apologized profusely for not being able to accomodate our massage appointment by the beach, so they said they have to make it on top of the cliff, if we didn't mind. Since we didn't have much time until our flight, we just said yes.

When we came to the place for the massage I was like, HELL YEAHH!!! this was wayy better than by the beach.

Imagine this view, with the wind blowing in and the sounds of the waves, and the smell of the salty sea
FUH!

The massage was very relaxing, Bali style. Love it.

Outdoor Jacuzzi. Is there such a thing such as "infinity Jacuzzi?"

Then we went down by cable car to the private beach.

The beach

We had some portobello mushroom and salmon with a guy singing in the background at the bar. Nice..!

After that we stopped by a tourist shop for souvenirs .. and headed back home. Good bye Bali.. I'll definitely come back..................

Dancing Cook?

2010-11-29T03:24:00.000-08:00

I have just bought these items below in my attempts to create a low carb, high protein diet.

Salmon
Topside Beef
Chicken Keel

Bila sampai rumah, tiba-tiba mendapat inspirasi!!!

Salmon - jadikan Sashimi
Beef - I created my own marinade and even cut the beef thinly konon nak buat steak
Chicken - also filleted the chicken and nanti nak buat grilled chicken.

Sah sah bukan macam ni la aku potong kan, rupanya lebih hodoh lagi

Wah tak sabar nak try pembuatan sendiri! Harap Sashimi itu selamat dimakan!!!

*update:

Sashimi - melted in my mouth and was good. Had it with wasabi and soy sauce. I did not suffer any stomach discomfort. Am fantasising about Sashimi and already planning to buy more salmon. Make sure after u wash it, it still smells 'fresh'.
Steak - it just took me like less than 10mins to heat it on the kuali (for lack of a pan) and it turned into mini steaks which were surprisingly tasty and juicy but still cooked to the core!!

Feeling so satiated *sighs in bliss*

New Housemate..

2010-11-27T01:00:00.000-08:00

..... seems like a nice girl. I hope she stays for a long time and is nice and clean. Amin!

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T21:36:00.000-08:00

As a little child, I have had the opportunity to participate in Thanksgiving in school events or my parents' friends houses. There would usually be roast turkey, cranberry sauce, gravy, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. Everything is still vivid in my mind and I really do remember the taste and smell of the delicious food and carry a craving for it until I reach adulthood.

Some of the food I don't remember what it is, and every now and then I crave it. For example, milk pudding. Nasib baik terjumpa kat Cold Storage and decided to try it back in 2006 and I was thinking "oh my! this is the thing that I have been craving for, except I didn't really know what it was!" It was just all memories from my childhood in the States that I carried with me.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I had the familiar craving for roast turkey.

Last year I had turkey with Stranger and another fact hit me in the face. It's almost one year since we broke up and that I have been really single for 10 months.. and at the rate time is flying it'll be a year or maybe 5 years that I will be single hahah.

Anyway I was just shocked to note that I don't have much recollection for 2010's events.. only the time when I went backpacking in May/June. Felt like it was just yesterday but omg! it's already 5-6 months ago! I have no recollection of February/March as well. This is scary kan? How time just passes by and I was not fully present to be there.

Anyhow, I can sense that I have grown stronger, wiser and more at peace than I was before. I still yet have to conquer my fear of being alone, of time passing by too quickly, my fear of simply losing out on anything. I used to depend on others before to give me strength, and while I have yet to be strong or patient enough to be an inspiration to others, I have noticed a few people coming to me for advice and looking to me for inspiration and strength.

What a turnaround from the needy person I used to be! Who used to take but not be able to give! So, while there were not many events that I can remember for 2010, I can look back at this year for a lot of spiritual transformation and discovery for myself. The events were all inside of me.

Macamana post about turkey boleh jadi post about spiritual me pulak ni. Hairan.. hairan...
Hahah I will go look for Turkey Dinner one of these days! :)

Eyes Wide Open

2010-11-19T08:56:00.000-08:00

I hated it when he became just like everyone else.
Looking at me through strangers eyes.
Thinking that I'm weird.
Not understanding me.
Wanting me to conform.

I hated it when he thought I was too arrogant and vain.
Not knowing that he himself was the same
Choosy about his friends
Concerned about the activities that he did
Wanting to lead the pack of being "cool"

Just be yourself
Take risks
The important thing is to listen to your heart
What's the point of conforming
If it is not who you are?

Does it feel better to be praised
For the miniscule details you attend to
Instead of being the great soul
You were meant to be?

my first time.. and it hurts.....

2010-11-17T02:38:00.000-08:00

It all started when I read my friends Facebook status telling the world how great it was.
I had wanted to try it for a long time, but.. I was afraid.
But.. after reading the friends confession to the world.. I thought.. heck, I have to try this.

pic from kristaskinpro.blogspot.com

Brazilian waxing.

It was glorious... less than an hour of intense pain.

The lady who did it puts dips a stick in a pot of hot wax and smears it onto some areas of the pubic region. She then puts on a piece of cloth, and with a quick motion... RIPPPPPssss while you flinch in pain and stifle that scream. After a few rips, your body already tenses even before she rips that piece of cloth. DAMNIT.

The process will be repeated countless of times and you will be regretting the decision that you made to walk into that salon and think to yourself, how in the world did this idea enter your head???? The thought of walking out and still having to pay made me stay :(

I don't know if this is good or bad, but after she rips off the piece of cloth, she presss her hand on the place to lessen the pain. It hurts less that way and at that point, you don't really care someone has their hand on your private parts. I was sweating and sore down under.

However, a few hours after the job is done, and you're walking confident and carefree, you think to yourself, hey this is awesome, maybe I'll do it again next month.

Er, yeah. I think I saw some ad for numbing cream somewhere.. I seriously am going to purchase that.
I am enjoying my, er, baldness actually heeheee.

p/s: this is my second day and I'm still a bit sore. However you can already walk around after that waxing session, takde la jalan terkangkang2 ke ape.. hihi.

Rumah vs Travel

2010-11-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

ada offer Air... Asia to Bali RM44

Aku dah cari cari.. the most sesuai date is in May 2011... yang still offer that price...
total rm193 sebab satu jer yang rm44...

tapi aku tgh pk.. pada masa tu rumah aku baru siap..

adakah aku.. adakah aku mampu nak membiayai travels di kala aku tgh service loan rumah yang agak tinggi.
cibai ah.

Ongkos lagi!

2010-10-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

1. Backpacking

Saya berkira2 ingin berbackpacking pada CNY ke Cambodia & Thailand, atau ke India. Saya dah kira ongkos. Ingatkan nak beli tiket dah. tapi...................

2. Emergency trip ke Jakarta

Saya ada trip yang agak emergency utk dilakukan bersama ibu saya. Anggaran ongkos adalah RM1.5k. Apakah?????? 4d3n dan RM1.5k? Sungguh tidak menepati citarasa saya sebagai backpackers ok.

3. Kereta saya akan dihantar workshop

Mungkin ada additional cost yang saya tanggung kalau saya kena pergi site without car. Memanglah claimable but my 'wang sedia ada' (liquidity? apakah the term?) akan mudah berkuranglah kan. Also had to pay for the saman because the accident was caused by MOI... not fun..

4. Housemate moving out

I have to refund her deposit and potentially foot the whole house rent for Nov. Maybe.

5. Service Kereta

RM300++ for major car service.

6. Api dan air for rumah baru

Also RM390 total, dahla aku lambat bayar ni, harap2 tak kena penalty by developer.

What I can do? *sweat

- There's a girl interested to rent a room for Nov already. I hope she's nice and clean and cheerful and nice and fun and best and ngam and best. =)
- I am planning to hold basic salsa class, beginners course for ladies starting end of Oct. That should pay for the 3rd room and space for only 2 ppl in the house... and give me at least some freedom to pay all the bills!

Harap-harap things will come together very soon.

Mojo Jojo

2010-10-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

Managed to get my mojo back.

It is pretty clear to me that my heart wants me to go to Cuba. And I believe it is just one step in a series of steps that I must take, just like in Pao.lo Coe.lho's book "The Alchemist".

so don't ask why I want to go. I just want to.

Nothing

2010-09-28T19:35:00.000-07:00

I am getting better at being alone. Sharing nothing. And being nothing.

I hope soon, I will be able to feel nothing. Kill off these emotions of mine.

Nak raya nih

2010-09-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

.. and all I can think of is Cuban Salsa.

The real deal. This much energy and joy cannot be found in cabaret/omputih style salsa.

And I have found my inspiration in Diana Rodriguez (bukan di dalam video ini). Aku dah banyak kali nampak video dia (reggaeton, salsa) tapi aku tak tau itu adalah orang yang sama. And she is featured in a lot of videos with the great Cuban dancer Yanek (aku tak peduli sangat pasal Yanek sebab aku interested in women style aje).

Nampak macam omputih style salsa lebih cantik, but when kau sendiri yang menari.. kau akan rasa lagi natural with Cuban. Aku lagi free dan natural with Cuban, sebab Cuban salsa mimics your natural body movements (berjalan, er.. main heheh). Kalau tengok interaction between male/female dancer pun lagi expressive (tengokla expression dorang when they look at each other).

But what I love most about Cuban Salsa is how they follow the beat precisely, how they play with the rhythm. Terlalu seni bagi aku. Terlalu cantik.

Don't get me wrong, i love other types of salsa, but Cuban Salsa inspires awe and admiration in me. Hahah. mesti korang bosan membaca karangan aku ni kan. Nasib ah.

Ok let me bombard with more:

This is Diana with Yanek. And by God, i'm gonna learn how to move my body like she does.

Lauryn si mulut C

2010-09-01T12:56:00.000-07:00

I've deleted my "Emo Salsa" entry. Because tonight I learnt a big lesson that ye Lauryn kau adalah bermulut cibai cakap lepas sampai orang yang tak kena mengena pun boleh sentap sendiri dan lepastu macam berdendam dengan kau. Wah.

Ye, padan muka.

Jadi, sebelum saya kehilangan dua orang kawan pula kerana kegagalan saya mengawal emosi latina (hahaha sila tampar muka saya sekarang), lebih baik kita padamkan ye kawan kawan. (kawan-kawan adalah merujuk kepada kamu Gerbera dan encik A kerana kamu je kawan blog saya hahaha).

Saya harus menjauhi drama drama bodoh dan belajar menutup mulut saya! Biarlah ini menjadi pengajaran kepada si Lauryn yang dungu!

Strive to spread love and happy thoughts, most importantly in myself. Thank you God for people I can still count on to give me strength and inspiration.

Nuzul Quran

2010-08-31T02:32:00.000-07:00

I spent Nuzul Quran with my sister and Cik Arrebreg. Cik Gerberra ni semakin cun melecun yo! :)

Dia juga memjual tat nenas dan biskut cornflakes nya yang sedap dan buttery melt in your mouth gitu. Maaf, takde gambar kerana camera saya sedang rosak :( Tapi memang sedap dan enak. Betul!

Selepas berbuka puasa masakan Cik Gerberra (saya masak sayur dan potong buah.. hahah!), Cik Gerberra beransur ke bilik saya dan bersolat. Kemudian kami berborak seketika sebelum beliau beransur pula ke Tesco membeli belah dan pulang ke kampung.

Saya pula follow Cik Gerberra menunaikan solat. And then.. the weirdest thing happened while I was reciting my do'a. Like in a daydream, I saw (with eyes closed) my arwah atuk came to my right side, and we salam and I hugged him. He looked okay. I just hugged him and leaned on him for a while.

There were other things that happened that day and that Subuh but all I can say is, Subhanallah. The stories I shall keep for now and I had a good sleep that night, I felt good the next day and had good dreams of hugging and kissing my mother. I am trying to keep all that love with me now :)

Fight hate with love

2010-08-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

I know it sounds so corny. Plus who am I to say this when I'm tucked snugly in this corner of Selangor in my nice bedroom, while some are fearing for their lives.

Tapi Malaysians, in view of the hatred we are facing from them, jangan lah caci maki mereka balik. Their hatred must have a source (however logical or illogical), and why are we even fanning the flames of hatred? As I believe a majority of us are also tucked snugly inside their nice bedrooms in a safe part of Malaysia, in the very same position as I am, then I believe my suggestion should hold some weight.

Here goes:

Instead of mencaci maki negara mereka dan rakyat mereka on facebook and blogs, kenapa tak boleh use the same time and resources to:

1. Pray for the safety of EVERYONE, Malaysians and Indonesians

can't do that? then pray for the safety of Malaysians who are in Jakarta or any other critical areas

2. Pray for LOVE and FORGIVENESS to shine down from God into the hearts of the people.

Isn't that more beautiful? Can you imagine that? Really imagine ... like sunshine, filled with rainbows, butterflies, heartshaped candies from the heavens shining down filling the hearts of all the people swarming the city.

Close your eyes and imagine it.

Fill your heart with the warmth, the sweetness.

Of love. Peace.

Soak it all up. FEEL IT.

And then send those rays of sunshine to ALL those people

who are in need of love, peace and forgiveness too.

Wishing for keduniaan is not so bad, ok

2010-08-17T08:52:00.000-07:00

I just need to let out my love and appreciation today. I have rainbows and hearts circling over and around my head. IT may not last long but the fact that I have happy moments where I feel love and appreciation is good enough.

Thank you Allah for me having the passion to dance, a boss that I like, and friends who still try to get close and forgive me even when I push them away. Thank you Allah for letting me have internet access so that I can look at youtubes of motivational people and lift myself back up.
Thank you Allah that I have nice sisters who are well mannered, easy to get along with and can talk crap with me. Thank you for me being able to call my parents with Celcom 1+5 (wah macam iklan tak).

Manifesting for a reasonably tall, reasonably dark (dark bukan hitam tapi kalau hitam handsome okla hehe, tapi dark like Julian McMahon), healthy, reasonably handsome and masculine, reasonably educated, reasonably nice and well mannered, respectable man with a reasonably good pay. He will love me, be devoted to me, cherish me, care for me, support me, bring out the best in me, communicate with me, respect me, be faithful to me, and I will give him equal in return. He will take care of himself and I will too.

I hope he likes to travel and allows me to dance.

Oh can I ask for a reasonably hot bod? Too much? ok fine, reasonable lean body for him and for me :P

Love this guy. His face is so radiant.

Meeting Ca.nan

2010-08-16T11:21:00.000-07:00

Sending her off from KL Sent.ral
Checkout my buka puasa perut.. cibai...
(alasan je buka puasa perut padahal mmg perut aku besar camtu... dem!)

I met Ca.nan today. She traveled with us in Laos, and now she is transiting in Malaysia on her way back to Korea. It was good seeing her, and I wished the rest of the gang was with us. Funny thing, she mentioned that she was with us only 2 days. But... the camaraderie our group shared was like we've known each other for so long. I felt that way with Nm and G... like we have been close all our lives.. and next Canan.. and then Alex.. as for P.. hehe I just had the hots for him hahahaa.

I so long to travel again.
I hope I can be a spoilt brat and leech my dad's money to pay for my house and travel as much as I can (safely and joyfully).

I cannot keep up my high spirits these days. I should start meditating. And stop some certain bad habits!!!!!!!!!!

I went to Slash's concert.... nehhhhhh ..!!!!

2010-08-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

The first time I ever saw you
You had that far away look in your eyes
And heaven's eyes shined down upon you
And the whole room filled up with light

Promise me
You won't let them put out your fire
Put out your fire
Promise me
You won't let them put out your fire
Put out your fire

One day.... but not now.

PONY PONY RUN RUN - HEY YOU

2010-08-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

His ringtone. Annoying tapi I suka.

I take my time today
it's not an easy game
many sights/to be seen/if you say so
please take it easy baby

(i) wish i was
young enough
(i) wish you were
made just for me

(chorus)
hey you
no you don't have to go
WO-oh
no you don't have to do so

Jumpa lagi 4-5 tahun akan datang. Atau jika aku ke Italy.

update:
tiba-tiba aku sangat rindukan dia. Nothing happened between him and me, because he had a gf, and he was wayy younger than I was. I really respect his stand to stand by his relationship though I knew there was an attraction between us. And his affection towards me was purely sincere, he never ever crossed any lines that were inappropriate. As for me? I will not pursue it AT ALL, he is a good guy, he has a good relationship and why should I hurt the girl for something that is impossible. Wasting everybody's time only.

Why I am still single.. and lovin' it

2010-08-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

Not really looking

Not because I am still in love with Stranger.
I really can't take criticism/unlove (is there such a word :P) from another person I hold dear for now.
I like flirting. Eventhough I'm not flirting right now. But just the idea that I can flirt whenever I want is good enough. Heh.
I want to travel without any worries of leaving a partner behind or needing their opinion/ comment/ approval on my travelship.
I just started a job. Failed relationships = unstable emotions = jobhopping. Bleurgh. (Of course, I only have myself to blame for that. But let's not blame anyone, not even myself. It's just the way it is.You deal with it differently, like excessive complaining/crying/shopping/bitching while I... jobhop :P)
I can do whatever I want (be the real me) and don't have to worry about him thinking I'm weird. Because I am weird but, I don't want my partner thinking I'm weird haha. I like to say I am unique (which I am *defensive*)
I don't need to worry about hurting his feelings.
I don't need to worry about him flirting with any girl or worry the possibility of it when he doesn't (flirt).
I like my space now .. no males invading!! :) :) :)
I can spend when and on what I want.. no unnecessary expenditure on spontaneous dining out/date nights.
I don't need to worry about not shampooing my hair and then have a bf tiba-tiba call me for a date. Or not even showering for that matter.
Julian McMahon hasn't proposed to me yet. He will when he's seen me.
It is SUCH A RELIEF TO BE WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS!!!
You know the feeling like you really need to berak but there is no toilet but your stomach is churning, and then you find the toilet and............... ahhhh.. you know? That satisfied feeling of.. letting go. Heheh.

Lao lao episodes in Laos

2010-08-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

I went to 4 places in Laos. Nong Khiew, Luang Prabang, Vang Vieng and Vientiane (the capital).

Nong Khiew
We had a funny experience crossing the border from Dien Bien Phu to Nong Khiew.. where both me and Alex (the German guy) didn't have any more money left and no ATM in sight! Well, I had USD20 , which I gave to Alex to use, and Alex had a USD100 bill that was not accepted by the Laos Immigration nor the Laos banks. In the end, all ended well and we still are alive and travel freely lols.

The jampacked bus from Dien Bien Phu, I swear it's literally like a can of sardines.. sakit punkok and kaki tau!!! :( tak suka.

Nong Khiew is a very quiet village set in valleys and hills, the chalet we stayed in was in front of the Mekong River, and the river itself was flanked on each side by hills. Sangat cantik!!!

Alolo comel sekeluarga ayam

Towards Nong Khiew

Pulut manis

Temple in Nong Khiew

Chives bakar.. sedap!

Spring Roll from Nong Khiew. nice

Luang Prabang
It's a really nice quaint little town with a lot of temples and French influences. Fruit shakes with milk can be bought for RM2 here. At night, there's a market selling many silk items and souvenirs.. not that cheap about RM30 and up but the stuff is nice and the people are oh-soo-nice.

I went for a massage here about RM17 but it wasn't that good (not too bad either). The head massage was nice though. Rented a bicycle for about 10,000 dong (RM4) and just went cycling to my hearts content.. visited a silk village and the view by the river was just superb. I was humbled by the place because I could see how much hard work was put in to make the intricate designs on the more complicated silk kain and here we are bargaining like mad for these items. Utk barang branded macam Guess ke, Gucci ke, Juicy couture ke takde sape bising plak.. padahal kadang-kadang aku tengok poyo je bag/wallet/baju orang tu.

The best part of this place is the Waterfall. It's soooo pretty with blue pools!!!

at Nisya's ohhhhhhh the best Indian food I ever had!!!

macam infinity pool

Vang Vieng
Famous for it's tubing and flying fox above the river. The village might be quaint to the mat sallehs but for me it's just a typical village in Sabah. I was quite keen to go to the river but then I had my period. Plus the other day jumping from the boat in Ha Long Bay, Vietnam, my top and bikini top rode up and good thing no one saw!!! HAHA. So, I didn't want to risk it here.

Also in Nong Khiew the Mekong River was so muddy, so I think it would be the same here. Heard that there was pink eye going around too because the water was bad. In the end, I didn't go but the boys had fun. They told me someone split their pants jumping into the river, and best part was the person wasn't wearing underwear. LOL.

Vang Vieng is also famous for being a party town. We had dinner and started playing games and then headed to the clubs.. Both nights we were there we had an awesome (and embarassing sometimes) time.

I danced in the rain, danced around fire, they had limbo fire but I couldn't do it haha. Crazy times :) and in the morning (4am? 5am?) we sat on the bridge on top of Mekong River. Mind you the bridge is soo small and made of wood.. which made it even more special. Sangat cantik.

the River (you can go firefoxing, then jump into the river.. or tubing)
lots of makeshift bars all over the place and so many drunk ppl by noon.. lol..
Note: please do not get drunk by the River.

oh kamu sangat comel. rasa nak bawak balik Malaysia.
check out his tattoes, smart ah.

fire.. limbooo..

eating beside the river... nice~

Sunset over looking the Mekong River from one point , and if you look behind another river(forgot the name)
View from on top of the hill on a Temple

Overall, Vang Vieng was nothing much. And the boys had pink eye after! Poor things!

Vientiane
Something like Chow Kit I guess. Alex had a bad eye infection so I spent most of the time with Nm and G. The town was full of street kids and Lao ladies already hooked up with Mat Sallehs. Didn't see hookers trawling the streets but the vast amount of local ladies attached to the arms of white guys did not make me comfortable(and it was obvious they were not a long time couple from the way the behaved and dressed.. you'd know if a couple is a couple from how synchronized their body languages are.

Found some Malaysian teh tarik and belanja Nm and G (but the teh tarik wasn't that good). Wasn't much in Vientiane but I visited the museum temple there which was quite nice, and then at night we met a French student who was based with the French embassy and took him out to dinner (or he took us out to dinner?). The food was nice, though, I like.

At nite, since we were bored, we headed to the local bar to hang out (full of middle age and late 30s mat sallehs and local girls).. I was kind of afraid they would try to pick me up so we went upstairs where there was no one.

Spot of madness: Urkel wannabes.
Had to black out the eyes in case this pic gets circulated LOL.
Sorry boys if you get embarassed.
The French guy took the pic so no pic of him.

Cooling off in our hotel.

Tuk Tuk

The tuk tuk drivers drove me crazy with "tuk tuk! tuk tuk!" all over the place. Funny thing was when I really needed a tuk tuk there wasn't any in sight.

So that's it about Laos. Too much partying but good memories with great friends. I wish Canan the Korean girl in Luang Prabang could've joined us, and Mila my travel partner too.

Beautiful-est sunset view from the Silk Village in Luang Prabang (Ock Pop Tock)

love & appreciation

Si Momoe comel

Ubud November 2011

Rahsia IC

Maharaja Lawak Mega

Korang tau x IC korang tersembunyi satu nama misteri?Boleh cuba cara berikut:1. Jika IC number korg920486-14-7685,ambil 7685 sahaja....2. Paste ayat berikut di bahagian komen dan tukarkan kepada nombor IC korang.Contoh, @*[7685:0 ]3. Buang tanda * dan pastikan ada tanda :0

Mine was "Megan Cameron"..... serious nama cas cun... hahahah!

2012!!

Momoe's Christmas Present

Flow #2

Flow

Ubud, Bali

Hex Nut Bracelet

Life in end of 2011

Harga sebuah persahabatan

Natural Ant Repellant

Spinal Beauty

Salsa Cubana

30s club

Dancing

Kizomba

Girl Travellers

Singapura

Son Dancing

2 days in Phuket

Absorber

Phuket

In the here and now

baru nak kenal Adele

True hair

Kuala Terengganu

Makanan Sihat untuk Gaya Hidup Malas Part II

We could have had it all

The screaming silence

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

Emosi

Drums

HOMESICK

Egyptian Magic Cream

Pimpleface

Single Girl's Activities - Watching Series (Alone :P)

Dah OK.. kot

Bikini Pool Party

Passion: let me not beg for the stilling of my pain

Batwoman

Passover: enduring sufferings

Entahla

The Hidden Heart

I am just.. Boring Me

Dance forever

At both ends

Bercanda di tepian pantai

Limbo

Vietnam Part 1

My First Painting

My Red Velvet

Bootcamp

Prayers for Japan

Unconditional Love

FB

Painting Classes and the Law of Attraction

I dream of.....

Makanan sihat untuk gaya hidup malas

New Hobby

All Set for 2011.. and a bit of 2012

Passings

Soalan yang agak aku benci

I feel very clever today

Squid Yoghurt Chowder

Wedding Dress

6 Dec 2010

2010: Closing cycles

Turkey

Cardio at Home (for lazy people like me)

Baking

Pancakes = Kegembiraan

Ingredients

Directions

Bali Trip - Day 3 & 4

Dancing Cook?

Korang tau x IC korang tersembunyi satu nama misteri?
Boleh cuba cara berikut:

1. Jika IC number korg
920486-14-7685,

ambil 7685 sahaja....

2. Paste ayat berikut di bahagian komen dan tukarkan kepada nombor IC korang.
Contoh, @[7685:0 ]

3. Buang tanda dan pastikan ada tanda :0